Ketchup

A calling, a calling

2012-02-10T10:44:00.000-06:00

I recently got a new calling in the church. For those unfamiliar, our church it totally volunteer run by its' members. Although we don't choose our jobs, we believe that the Lord calls people to serve in different positions or callings to benefit those serving and those being served. I've been called to serve as a Relief Society teacher. The Relief Society is the organization of our church which consists of women. We meet for one hour every Sunday and have a lesson. Like Sunday school just for ladies. The men meet separately also during that same hour. We also have just regular Sunday school where we are all together. So yes, if you do the math, our church is three hours long every Sunday, and it's often the best three hours of our week.

I was totally thrilled with this new calling because since I joined our church what fifteen years ago, I've always wanted it. I wanted it not because I felt I'd be good at it, but because I saw the opportunity to improve myself through forced studying and teacher preparation. I admire many woman in our church who can just really teach a gospel principle and make you feel the Spirit while she teaches. I've been motivated by many women who challenge us through our Relief Society lessons to be better Christians. I wanted this calling so I can better be an instrument in my Heavenly Father's hands. So I can testify and stir into action. I'm so happy for the opportunity and challenge it will be. This is the first time the Lord has trusted me to teach the adults in our church. Up to this point, I've only had callings to teach children. While many lessons are learned there, I'm thankful to be able to be with my sisters.

The first lesson I'm supposed to teach is ironically "Love thy Neighbor as Thyself". All I can say is yeowch. Really, for my first lesson I'm given the one topic I struggle with the most in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I can literally run circles around most topics and feel good about them, but this one... If you know me or my life at all, if you know how people affect me deeply, you will know the challenge that this one lesson is proving to be for me. The last year has been wrought with trial after trial on this topic for me. Up to the last year I can say, my life itself have been filled with this reoccurring trial. The never-ending quest for Melissa to figure out people, live with them in our world, and love them perfectly. It feels impossible, but I'm thankful for the trials I've had specifically over the last year or so to better prepare me for this lesson.

I've totally immersed myself in the scriptures and am finding that the more I do this, the more I feel love for my fellow men. Also, the more I read the scriptures, the more I see the predictions of our times and it's no wonder why I can't get along with others. I read over and over again about the love of man growing cold. We read about the backbiting, lying, corruption. We read about women and how they lose their way. We read about children not respecting adults. All the issues we struggle with as a society now were all warned about in the scriptures, and the more I read, the more patient I become because I know it's not just me hurt by these things, it's the Lord also and it's his job to judge, not mine. But the mystery remains to me on how to coexist with people so cruel and hurtful. So selfish and mean and not let it hurt you. I think of that scripture in Isaiah 53:7-9. I am always so impressed with our Savior. Specifically where it says all of these horrid things happened to him yet he did not open his mouth. Those people murdered Him, He knew they would. They spit on Him and mocked Him yet He opened not His mouth. What an example.

Recently I made a comment on someones blog from the deep center of my heart with the most kind intentions. I praised this person for some things of great worth I see her doing in her life. I'm not sure what I expected as I'm not surprised by people anymore, but what I got was defense. She got offended it seems and took what I said to be hard and hurtful. So I thought of two things: either everyone is so beaten down by others that this is a knee jerk reaction that we have as a society, or the signs of our times are upon us and the prophets predictions of our time is a living reality. I think both are in play, but it hurt. So I go back to that scripture in Isaiah...he opened not his mouth. That my friends is the secret. I felt compelled to respond, to clarify and apologize, but I know it would be of no worth. My words had to have been really twisted to evoke a feeling of defensiveness and my clarification would probably cause the same reaction. I opened not my mouth.

I did a search of mouth in the scriptures and read EVERY scripture related to this physical possession we all have. It was so very telling to me. The power of the mouth. Many times, in many places I've had to beg the Lord to place his hand over my mouth. I'm a very passionate person. I usually mean good, but I know they can't always handle it. The wicked take truth to be hard...right? I know I do when I'm being a turd and someone tells me. I heard this song once that said, "when I first learned to speak, I used all my words to fight." I feel that's the world we live in these days. I want to learn better how to not open my mouth.

All gospel principles begin with obedience to the law then the testimony comes. As I saw over the last year the profound affect people have been having on me, I started to subtract myself from the platforms of the world. I don't have a Facebook account, I never check blogs anymore (except maybe three), I don't even really blog much. I just wanted out...out of it all. Out of the world. Meanwhile I'm building the world the Lord wants within the walls of our home. The last year has been the hardest year of my membership in my church and from that tailor made trial emerged the strongest Melissa there has ever been in the gospel. I'm so very thankful for my trials. This one was extremely tough on me but wow did I rise to the challenge the Lord placed in front of me and my life is so very blessed because of my hard poopy work.

So this sunday as I teach my lesson on loving my neighbor, I won't profess my sins to the class. I won't harp on my insecurity on this topic, I will share the things the Lord has taught me and hope that just one person may be touched and motivated into action. You cannot love God and hate your neighbor. You cannot especially when you begin to see the profound love He has for our neighbors.

I'm so thankful for callings and opportunities to improve. I'm so thankful for a Father in heaven that knows ME. He knows me so well and I'm always amazed by it.

2012-01-11T14:24:00.001-06:00

Have you seen or heard this saying?

I have, over and over and over again. And every time I do, it grates my nerves...oh how it annoys. I've actually written this blog in my head a few times, but didn't want to give this ridiculous saying any air time.

WARNING--MELISSA IN THE RAW---SHE MAY OFFEND YOU---CONTINUE READING AT YOUR OWN FREE WILL AND CHOICE---AND DON'T BLAME ME FOR MY OPINIONS.

I'm a disclaimer kinda girl. Ask my husband...I love the disclaimer.

So this saying, where to start. If you didn't know what my house looked like would you assume, based on my family, that I qualify for being called a good mom because of the definition on this sign/saying?

I'm a dang good mom. Every moment of my day surrounds them and how I can be better for them. My kids occupy every part of my brain at the current stage we are in and I doubt that as time passes that will change much.

Being a good mom has zero to do with how clean your house is. They are not connected at all actually. Or are they.

My house is clean. It's very very clean. I often have friends razz me about it being so clean. Does this mean I'm a bad neglectful mother, or does this mean I've figured out how to manage a household and motivate the members in that household to...I don't know....HELP?? To me that is a much harder and rewarding task.

Children in this world don't know how to clean. They are entitled. It's easier to do their work for them and complain about it than actually TEACH them to do it themselves. Or it's easier to let it be messy and make plaques to hand in our home listing our excuses for our parenting shortcomings. It's easier to make signs putting down the ones that actually are doing it the right way and not making excuses. Yikes, this is getting mean.

Re-read the disclaimer please!

My good friend Melissa has some vinyl lettering in her house that says, work hard, play harder. I simply love that. We work in this house. We clean it together. They have age appropriate chores and are responsible for their junk. That's the bottom line.

Over the last 12 years, I've become quite good at homemaking. I can juggle and balance a house load. I can. I do my job well. If homemaking were an actual employment, I'd be a Director making six figures. I got it down. I spend less than an hour a day cleaning my house. Yes we have nearly five children and no I don't pay anyone to do it for me. The children pick up their room daily and whatever else I give them to do that takes from my hour. So some days I spend ten minutes cleaning the house, and each kid spends 10. Pretty good deal huh? The other hours in the day are spent having fun and doing what families do together.

I'm not sure what everyone else is doing in these other hours making them better moms than I am...what I actually see is an excuse. I see equalizing. This sign says to me, "I haven't figured out how to do my job, so I will put down the ones who have because surly it's not me. They must be neglecting their kids while trying to maintain a false appearance and a clean house." That's what I see from the side of the battle where I've already won. So ladies...figure it out and stop telling yourself lies.

Everyone knows that when you are in a clean and organized home you just feel better. When we do have a mess brewing I can feel disharmony. Everyone can.

Many many many of my friends have asked me how I keep up on the house and not clean all day everyday. Well it's really simple. I call it plate spinning. You have to jump in and get it to a good livable point if you are beyond messy. I can't help you there, that's all you! How bad do you want it?

Then its a matter of tending to the little things everyday to keep up with it. I do a deep clean once a week, but it's all spread across the week so I never feel wiped out. Also, the kitchen is done everyday. Dishes with every meal and floor swept after every meal. Counters are always cleared off and clean. That's a must because the kitchen is our center.

There rest is peripheral. One day I'll pick up all the extra junk on the floors upstairs and that's the day I'll vacuum too. The kids pick up their rooms nightly so I don't have to deal with that. It's not brain surgery here. Certain tasks go together. One day I'll windex all of the windexable surfaces, mirrors, countertops, tv's, dirty glass on doors, etc. When I sweep and mop downstairs, I sweep and mop the bathroom floors upstairs too. When I dust the kitchen table, I dust all of the wood everywhere else. I run around and get it done. When I bleach a load of towels, I bleach the toilets too. So as the week goes on it gets and stays clean. Simple maintenance keeps me from having to do much deep deep cleaning.

Everyday I am cleaning but not spending a ton of time on it. Spinning plates, see the analogy yet? It's simple. Although I have run into a little challenge here. I am pregnant with baby number five and I'm 32 not 22. Mama is tired. While the house is clean, there is clutter brewing. So I've made a spring cleaning plan. Mostly because I'm a list girl. I need to declutter and organize every room and closet in this house. I think I'm nesting...who knows. It's on my mind and driving me nuts. So here's my plan. Everyday I'm going to tackle one room or sets of rooms and totally knock it out.

3 bathrooms-1
Girls room-5
Zander's room-4
Eryx's room-6
Laundry room-2
Linen closet-3
Kitchen-7
Computer room-2
Living room-4
Shoe closet-3

The number next to it is the day I'm going to do it. Every square inch will be cleaned and organized in each area. At the end of one week, we will have a very organized house. Since i'm only doing one room a day, it won't feel overwhelming and after a few days the success will carry me into completing it. That's how goals work and why they are so important. To show us how far we have come when we see how far we have to go and just don't wanna do more.....

Are we still friends? Does being a good mom mean you have a messy house? Did I take this too literal and give it way too much thought (probably). I am here to share and motivate. I want others to have what I have because I obviously see worth in it and I believe they do too. I am tired of being put down because I have a strong work ethic. If you want something...go for it already and stop making excuses!! There is always room for improvement. Pick a spot and start chipping away. What you will be left with is self-confidence and the knowledge that you can do anything! It's a good feeling, let me tell you!!

Miss Mia

2012-01-11T08:57:00.001-06:00

Our Miss Mia. We decided to play hooky yesterday and go get her hair done. She's growing quite the personality lately and in true Krantz fashion we want to embrace her need to express herself (as long as it's within the boundaries we've set up). Mia is a very good kid and we reward our good kids. While talking a while ago she mentioned wanting to get highlights put in her hair. At first I gasped...have you seen her head of heaven. That kid has some enviable hair. I want it...I had it actually before I had her.

But we figured that one strand would not kill the whole head so I decided to let them sleep in and go have a pamper day. She loved it. We put in a peek a boo highlight so we could pull her bangs back and see it or cover it up with the top layer. That way we won't see roots growing in as easily since this is not something we are doing every six weeks. We love our salon. They didn't even charge me for the color. I've never gotten a bad haircut from them. All of the ladies thought she was the cutest thing and really gushed over her. It was fun.

Mia is in second grade now and actually likes school. She is our super reader. She reads anything and everything. I often find her reading my books. She got asked to join a special book club at the school because of her accelerated reading level. Mama is proud. She is taking dance this semester...hip hop of course (note the shoes). She dances around the house like a little hip hopper and her baby sister follows every single thing she does. She is a ball full of energy and doesn't stop moving...ever. We put a basketball hoop outside and she is ALWAYS out there playing. She asked if she could go to a basketball camp for the summer. It's fun watching her dribble and shoot lefty. She's nuts! She also asked if she could start running with me. She loves running and I hope that sticks.

This is a big year for her as she will turn eight this summer and her father will have the opportunity to baptize her. She loves the Lord and is such a great example to me personally. She is always reading her scriptures and she actually runs family home evening....including reminding me to do it every monday. As crazy as she is for me, people constantly tell me what a sweetie she is and that makes me happy. I can't believe how quickly she is growing up. It's breaking my heart!

Eryx lately

2011-12-29T15:30:00.001-06:00

First up is Eryx!

Have you figured out how to pronounce his name yet? Most people get it pretty quickly, but over the internet it may be confusing. It's like Eric with a -s- sound on the end...Eryx.

This little treasure stole my heart at hello. This year we watched him turn from a baby to a toddler. He is sweet as sweet can be and has been since day one. He sleeps perfectly eats perfectly and makes everyone laugh. You simply cannot resist this little guy if you live in this house. He's a show stopper.

He is about to turn 15 months old and is every bit of that age. He says a ton of words, walks and feeds himself. This kid wants to grow up so quickly. He abandoned his pacifier (by his choice, not mine) at 6 months old and the bottle at a year. He is starting to get really annoyed at his diaper and we've noticed him saying "uh-oh" every time he goes potty in it.

This little man is a mini Chris, but acts totally as Zander did as a baby. He completely adores his papa. It's actually scary. Eryx wants to always be in Papa's arms these days which is the first child to choose him over me. We are very excited to see him be the big brother in a few months. I hope he learns how to share quickly too, because we're going to have another little boy to smother soon.

Feeding himself for the first time. "Am I doing this right?'

First steps

He's so big already! Oh and the dimples stayed...how we love them!

Christmas Cards

2011-12-29T15:18:00.000-06:00

We don't do them.

We used to do them, but now a days....we don't.

While I love love love getting them, I've learned that there are some things that are worth my crazy and some that are not. The mailed Christmas card has been put aside for now until I have more time on my hands...and less children in the home.

I hope that our lack of card does not make anyone feel slighted or forgotten. It's just a choice in good, better, best. I cannot do it all. I thought about doing New Year's cards this year. You know, a card sent out for the new year, after all of the crazy holiday events calm down. I may do that I'm not sure. Until then I've decided to do a little year in review highlighting each member of our family. Full with pictures and all. I hope this at least pacifies the requests and with the addition of this disclaimer, helps people know they weren't omitted from our list, but that there was not a list.

Enjoy!

a minute about limitations

2011-12-27T11:22:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I was in the room while a couple of other parents were discussing how totally obsessed their kids were with video games and tv. How they turn into zombies when they play them and how they cannot tear the kids away from media. I sat there and listened to them talk about all of the extreme limitations the parents had to place on these devices and wondered....why don't my kids do that.

A little background, I was pretty much raised by the tv. Shows like Family Ties and Cosby taught me lessons that have stayed with me all of these years. While growing up, I watched a lot of tv....A LOT.

The tv is a welcomed friend in our house, a censored, welcomed friend. We watch tv...we do. Our family's favorite show is America's Funniest Home Videos. What a horrible shame this causes to admit, but we never miss an episode. The children love it.

As far as video games and apps go, they are also welcomed in our home. We all play them together. The entire family is currently obsessed with this app called Where's My Water? Everyone has an account on the game and we sit and play it together. We help each other through the levels we've already mastered. It's been a really fun thing we do.

Inevitably every holiday or birthday Zander gets a new video game. He sits and plays it for hours for about a day...then....once in a while....then he moves onto something else. Other than the first day or two, I would never call Zander a Zombie. When I tell him to shut the game, he does. Zander spends countless hours building and destroying things around the house...like this gun he and his dad are building together.

He carves wood, he paints, he does oragami, he reads, he makes beyblades out of garbage around the house. Honestly on most days, Zander would rather do most things than be a video game zombie. The girls don't play video games...just a few apps where they make cupcakes etc. Likewise the tv can come or go too. They just don't really care.

So while listening to my kids friends parents talk about this my mind raced to as wether or not I'm in denial about how much time my kids spend with media, or if they just don't obsess and why. So I observed our household over the next few weeks and found that Elle is quite obsessed with tv. She requests it often, but if I say no or turn it off she scampers away and finds a doll that needs a bath. Mia doesn't watch tv at all. She reads....all day and all night, or she plays with her little girl things, dolls, polly pockets, clothes, earrings.... or writes stories. Zander doesn't watch tv ever. If it's on he may be in the room, but he's always busy with something else. He does play video games, I've seen him average about an hour and a half through out a day playing different ones and computer games. Although when they weren't on Christmas break this was more like a half hour a day on devices.

I NEVER have to tell them twice to shut it off. I never have video game/tv zombies, and I never have to limit their usage. I do limit the what, not the how long though.

We had a few friends over for our Christmas dinner and I brought this topic up with them. My friend Heather told me a story about her grandma...or aunt...or someone who told stories about how in her house she had bowls of candy set out all of the time for any guests that may come over. She noticed that when her kids had friends over the bowls were emptied. The other kids just went NUTS over these bowls of candy. While her kids could care less. They were used to moderation and weren't heavily restricted so when faced with a yummy bowl of free candy they learned self control. I've noticed the same thing when our kids have friends over. They go nuts over all of the electronics our kids have. They literally turn into zombies and don't want to do anything but play on the ipad or ipods or gaming systems we have. I've seen this in a friend of Elle's too with the tv and snacks. It's so funny to me, also a little disturbing.

Sometimes because we are Mormon, I feel like people view us as very restrictive. We don't allow sleepovers, we limit WHAT they watch and play heavier than any other non-mormon friend we know. Our church has a little book called For the Strength of Youth that outlines the things we strongly enforce in our home with our growing children. To us, these are important matters. These are the not waiverable ones. These are the standards that the Lord has set for his children and this book is a guide for us as parents. I will fight for these...I will approach them in the same way we did media. Teach them how come and why not about it all. Teach them the higher laws and allow them to choose. If done correctly they will choose the right. They may stumble, but they will know. This is the Lord's way of instruction. Our non-mormon friends have warned us that we shelter our children but that could not be further from the truth. If you know me at all you know I'm frank and clear and often inappropriate. A child cannot grow up sheltered in this house. A child that goes out into public every day cannot grow up sheltered in this world. IMPOSSIBLE!

What's that scripture.. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

I think that's what we've done. Instead of the constant fight over these things, we've taught them appropriate ideas regarding them and set good examples for them, and in our house it's a non-issue. We never limited tv usage, our kids don't have ADHD, they behave in school, they all read well above their recommended levels. They are all socially healthy. They have always been allowed to watch and play as much media as they've wanted and they simply got over it. Old news...

We teach them with words not handcuffs. We don't force their hand in these choices. We allow them to learn how to use their free will. We've taught our children about how there are people out there who hurt children when we restricted sleepovers. Instead of just saying no, we told them very candidly why not. They have no desire to sleepover at friends homes. Now they do get tempted often, but they learned that the risk is not worth the benefit in that area. That is how we approach this. I assure you that our children through this approach will learn more about our world than most children, and they will learn about it from us. The most trusted source. Others will look at our family and say we are sheltering, but those people are not in our home during those moments of quiet parental instruction. My hope is that these lessons in small things over the young years will help them use this wisdom in larger things later when we are not there to catch them when they fall.

Oh me, oh my

2011-12-02T09:42:00.000-06:00

It's not often that I'm totally smitten with new music. I was in the car the other day and heard this little ditty that made me think Counting Crows has made a come back. After tracking down the radio's website to see who that song was by, I immediately downloaded the record to my Iphone. Oh how I love technology!

Now I may be late on this bandwagon, but better late then never. The band is Avett Brothers. They have a ton of records out. I got the most recent one I and Love and You...

The words, the sweet words on this record. It's been a long time since I've heard a record that celebrates love and marriage and pure simple values. They are classified as bluegrass but don't let that scare you. At times they sound like Counting Crows and often I hear Blue's Traveler. Either way, give it a go if you dare...and did I mention the words...love the words!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqZZlL0l5Uk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t43VgJ4U9_Q The radio song...did I mention the words? Ok I'm done!

Have you heard of these guys? Am I totally lame and late to the party?

Hierarchy of Mothers

2011-12-01T14:09:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I went out for lunch to celebrate a friends birthday and something happened. I call it the hierarchy of mothers. Have you noticed this?

I was sitting there with my two littles eating my lunch when a latecomer joined the group. She had one toddler in tow. She introduced herself to me and mentioned her little guys name and told me that he's one of her three kids. His name would have sufficed, but she felt the need to tell me that she's not just a mother of only one measly kid, but she's a proud mother of three. Why did she do that?

I've noticed this behavior amongst women everywhere. I first began to see it when I had Zander. It seems that the more children you have, the more respected or pitied you should be. Whichever you are going for I guess. Whenever I'm out with the entire crew, women constantly tell me they have more children or more grandchildren than children I have. As if I really care. As if I base anything on their lack of birth control. As if that makes them more important or experienced as I am.

Is this more equalizing? I know as women we wear our children as trophies. Well some do. I love when I am out with only the baby and all the women I run into give me advice and "wait and see's". It cracks me up. I never tell them oh he's the youngest of four and I'm pregnant with five.

But it doesn't stop there. There are subcategories to the hierarchy. It's also includes, how old your oldest is, the spacing, how old you were when you had your first, are they all still at home or are some school aged. any teenagers in there, and even their genders. There's a whole order here.

Someone asked me the other day how close Eryx and the new baby will be in age. I replied that they will be 18 months apart. To this she said, "oh well my oldest two are 14 months apart so 18 is nothing". Yikes, I wasn't complaining or bragging. They are what they are. That was the Lord's timetable with this pregnancy...not mine. Am I super mom because my fourth and fifth child are 18 months apart, or is she because her first were only fourteen months... what was the attitude there?

Another incidence of this was when I found an old friend on facebook. She had just given birth to her fifth child and us our fourth. When I told her that we have four she actually said to me, "oh I'm winning". I said, "what?" She said that they have more kids so she's winning. I told her that if having children were a race or contest then yes, she would be winning. Blah!! Really people!! Those children are her trophies, yes... In her eyes she had five trophies and I only had four...yikes!

Do you see where I'm going. Why is this even discussed? I have three friends with more children than I do. I don't look at them as a threat. I'm not losing the game. I look to them for their precious experience. When I'm around them and they speak of what works in their homes with their kids, I take notes. I don't judge them or feel like I'm less than they are because we ONLY have four children. This is so silly, yet it is a social standard that women create.

Why do we do this? Have you noticed it? Any opinions?

reasons for the blog

2011-11-30T09:04:00.000-06:00

Recently someone who I assume reads my blog asked me very innocently what my blog is all about. I kinda stumbled. I realize that this one is not the usually, "here's my three year old at the zoo riding an elephant statue", kinda blog. The question left me a little damaged. What is that blog all about?? I'm not the post a picture of the birthday cake girl. I'm just not. And while we do go to the zoo and we do eat beautiful birthday cakes...do I really feel the need to send that out into the world? Not really...Is that the mark I want to leave...no. (and I do realize that everyone doesn't use their blog to make a mark, and that's ok too.)

So this left me digging...what is this blog all about? Is it a journal? No. My journal would probably scare you all mwahahaha! Is it random family events? Sometimes. Is it a brag and not a blog? Oh gosh I hope not! So what's this blog all about?

As I've said in the past, words affect me. They just do. They flow from me and always have. I talk non-stop at home (like my kids...driving me nuts). When I was little my nickname was Loose Lips Liza. Yes I know beautiful. I remember driving my mom nuts with the talking. It seems for some reason, I just have a lot to say. So in a way, this blog is a way to say it. Say it to whomever feels the need to come back and check it. I truly believe I've been blessed with the gift of words. I see in in my children. I can move those children so easily with my words. I know what people need to hear and how they need to hear it, and I say it. This blog is a soundboard.

I often feel like I live in a totally different world than most people. I study this world we live in. Most often I feel like a spectator to it. I am a spectator, I don't want to play along with this world anymore. That's game is not fun for me. I use this blog to show other people that there's another way to get through this world. I use it to banish the misconceptions of womanhood, family, motherhood, christianity. Our family and lifestyle used to be the norm, but that's not the case anymore. Sad! This blog is an insight into a different way of life.

A big part of me and who I am is a motivator. I've truly seen miracles in lives. I believe so strongly that you can make your life all you want it to be and the power is in your hands. The world doesn't really teach that. Satan doesn't teach that. I am so inspired by so many things in my life and yearn for that for my friends and family and anyone who ever reads this blog to get up and do SOMETHING! I try to show my successes as a way to say, if I can do this you can certainly do that. Anyone whose known me since I was a child (and many of you do read this blog) know who I was then. You've all commented on the me I am now. Miracles I tell you! I use this blog to inspire.

Having said all of this I have to say I'm a pretty shy person. When I'm in a group of people I basically quietly observe. If I know you well then you get Loose Lips Liza, but that takes me a long time. I think often because of my quietness in new situations, my peers think I'm a stinker. The women do. Some have actually told me that. OUCH! My unwillingness to give into social standards have often had me labeled as an outcast. Oh if they only bothered to get past those judgements. I'm a kitty cat. This blog is a way for me to find others who think like I do, other outcasts, and to show who I am to an audience that wants to know.

Lastly, about 15 years ago I literally stumbled upon Christianity. Over the course of the last fifteen years I've felt a fire in me like no other and base all of my good on that stumbling event. Oh how I feel the weight of my baptismal covenant to proclaim the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have not really used this blog as a way to communicate any of that. I'm not sure why. By large, my readers are not Mormon. I've kept this part a little private and I'm not sure why. I've felt very inspired lately to let the blog in on that part of me, that whole of me. If I can attempt to fulfill the pleading of my Father in Heaven to feed His sheep I will. Even if one sheep gets just a nibble that may help it later...that's great. I will use this blog to testify.

So is this blog a blog like unto others...naw. That's ok though, I won't feel badly about that. I won't let that question wound me. To me this blog is so much more than that. I'm thankful for the question because it made me really evaluate what it is I'm trying to do with these minutes I spend on here. For whose gain is it? Not mine...I assure you all I'd rather be reading or cooking or doing something else that causes me joy. But the ideas force their way into my head and my fingers need to let them out. I don't know why it works that way, but it does. This blog is my way of communicating whatever it is that I am asked to and I will do it until I'm told to stop. Thank you for coming and being a part of it.

people

2011-11-30T08:15:00.000-06:00

The school recently had a talent show. Mia desperately wanted to participate, but every friend she asked already had someone to perform with and would not add her to their group. None of her friends thought of asking her and this just broke my heart for her. I've watched Mia struggle a little lately with the great curse of female friendships. I see the same scenarios that I struggled with now in replay in her life.

As an adult, I know the answers to her playground issues, yet I still struggle with my own female friendships on an adult level. My friend Nicole recently wrote a blog post about friends of convenience. It was about friendships and how we work to either keep them or how we walk away from them. I've walked away from a few relationships lately and that has served me just fine since I've seen no following. It's like that saying if you love it let it go and if it's yours it will return...something like that. What a good test it's been to give up facebook. The ones that really cared followed me and kept up with me and that has been great.

My husband recently acquired a friend. It's funny actually. Chris has always had friends, but not a real true friend that put as much into their relationship as much as he has. It's been fun watching this. Their relationship is so simple. They are hilarious and easy together. It's wonderful to watch their relationship and I'm left a little jealous. Jealous of two things, the time Chris is spending with his friend, and the actual fulfilling relationship of his friend and how happy it makes Chris. Once again I'm left mystified by men. Oh how easy they have it.

Lately my female struggle has been friends who feel the need to equalize. Do you know about this fun concept? It seems for me that ever since my life became something of a joy and blessing, or whenever Chris and I have decided and succeeded to do something the hard and right way, we are surrounded by equalizing. And I dare say that I've noticed people in our lives even satisfied by our failures because maybe somehow this makes them feel better about theirs. It's truly heartbreaking for me to be a victim of this friendship foe.

I try really hard not to brag about my life. I take extreme personal joy in our successes, and we quietly reflect and repair our failures. We are not perfect, we've made mistakes (don't ever allow a car detailing place to steam clean an engine on a Jeep Grand Cherokee...it will surely ruin the car leaving you in a poor place!!) but we are who we are. I would hate to feel that in anyway our blessings would make someone feel poorly about themselves. I really hope the opposite. In my world, if I see something praiseworthy or good in others lives, I follow their example and strive and fight for it in mine. I would never put them down in an attempt to make myself feel better for not being that way in the first place. Unfortunately, in my life I've been surrounded by people who constantly feel the need to belittle me or what I have worked for because they simply don't have it. That's the base of it and I know that. When the rude comparison comments fly, I know it's because the other is insecure. Insecurity has never been a trial of mine. I don't understand it at all. I'm actually quite the opposite which is not always good either.

I'm confident in my life. We have WORKED OUR TAILS OFF for what we have and are constantly trying to improve in the have nots. Just to clarify I'm not really speaking about physical possessions. We have worked too darn hard to have someone elses insecurities make me feel low. Yet people I care about constantly try to do just that. I would never do that to anyone. I actually have the reverse problem and it drives Chris nuts. He says I spend too much effort trying to make people feel better about their bad decisions. I should be quiet or honest....yikes. I have a hard time with both plans, especially if it means hurting someone's feelings that I care about.

I know my life trial has been relationships with people. This trial I've had over and over and over again and I'm certain it won't go away until I figure it out and start doing it right. Or I've learned all I need to from the world around me. Ouch! I've gone through stages with it and I'm in a better place now than I've ever been yet this place is just as hard as the others. Just different. I'm eternally grateful for the good people who do surround me and lift me up. You know it's a good friend when you leave feeling better than you came. I'm trying to teach my daughters what I've learned so they don't struggle like I did as a child. It's hard watching Mia go through these things, because I know they will just get larger and harder. Although until she figures it out I am totally content being her bff. She's pretty awesome!

him

2011-11-15T08:57:00.000-06:00

Yesterday Chris stayed home sick from work for the first time that I can ever remember. He has been sick. We all have actually, but it really knocked him out.

For his job, he travels a lot. Some months I will see him a total of three days a month. It's very hard because he is such a joy to be around that I miss him so much. Many people upon finding out that he travels so much always mention the obvious...how could I possible do everything that needs to get done with a family this size by myself, and how that would never fly in their homes. For me, when he is gone it is so hard, but not hard because of my increased work load. Chris has always been busy. Wether in school or supporting our family, I've always had to carry the home load while he's carried the providing role. It's hard for me because he is truly my best friend, and I miss him. I miss his presence in the home. Not his hands to do the work, but him.

A month ago he was told at work that they needed him to stay grounded and develop some training software that would limit his need to travel so much. I was thrilled. They told him that he has three months to get it done and was not to travel during that time. How wonderful it's been to have him here. He is hilarious and fun.

Growing up I was raised by my dad. I feel so sorry for him for having to raise a daughter on his own, and as an adult I am truly thankful for the sacrifices he made to make a better life for me. They were many. I learned from a young age what a good man was. I learned what traits to look for in a husband by watching my father work, provide and love me. He was not perfect, but he is a very honorable man and I'm thankful for his presence in my life. It wasn't until I was an adult that I've put this all together. As I look around this world and see the men out there I realize more and more every day how blessed I am to be surrounded by good men in my life.

I read a quote on Pinterest the other day that said, don't marry a man that you wouldn't want your son to be exactly like....something like that. A few days ago we found out that we were having another boy and the emotion swelled up inside of me. I saw visions of our three little guys acting in God's name, serving missions, and being the type of husbands that their father is. I actually sent Chris a text that said that I couldn't wait to see what combination of Chris this one will end up being. Our boys are Chris in every way. I'm thankful for that. They are sweet, malleable, giving, faithful, kind, meek, and all of the things a mother and wife could ever ask for.

When I started dating Chris I knew he was a good man. I'm thankful for the experiences in my life leading up to that point to help me recognize what a good man is. I'm thankful for the love he shows me and the children. We've been together for 12 years and he just keeps getting better. I'm grateful for our Temple covenants that keep our marriage safe. I trust him completely in every way and take great comfort in knowing that he is mine for all eternity. I'm thankful for a Father in Heaven that has given me this earthly family to adore and be adored by. What a blessing.

I'm glad he's been home so much lately because it's reminded me what a treasure he is and how important it is for him to be here more, even if that means making some changes at work. He is more than my best friend, he is my everything and I only pray that our daughters find a man just like him. It's hard to even put into words how I feel about him. Our relationship is our most prized possession and everyday as we polish it and work on it, I know that all of that effort and work is for a higher purpose in this life and the lives to come.

simply zander

2011-11-07T10:50:00.000-06:00

A little while back, against all will of mine, we decided to put the kids back in school. My pregnancy with our fifth child and the fact that Chris travels 90% of each month were large factors. Me having to run the household, and educate the kids totally alone on a day by day basis was becoming too much for me to handle and we decided that there are worse things on earth than our kids getting 100% on everything in school.

We knew that for the most part Mia would be fine, but then there was Zander. Zander is mostly miserable on a day to day basis since we've re enrolled him. He's totally changed and I don't really care for much of his attitude. I've seen a decline in his patience, willingness, sweetness and it's even traveled over into swim. So much so that the coaches have noticed a change. Oh how this child worries me. While I know that home school is the best option, we are just going to have to choose better in this category. I struggle with good, better, best on a daily basis around here. What good parent doesn't.

Since Zander was born, well since Mia was born, I knew that Zander was something else. Now I know that every parent thinks they have a super kid, but that's not what I'm talking about. Zander sees the world differently than most kids do. I watch him. I watch him when he doesn't think I am. I watch him with his peers. I watch his peers. Zander is different.

A few weeks ago, the school conducted parent teacher conferences. These pretty much go the same every year. Mia flies by and Zanders is much more intense. As he's gotten older, the meetings have gotten more and more intense. So a few weeks ago I entered his classroom with knots in my stomach because I knew what I was up against. It's not the grades we discuss. Zander's grades have become inconsequential to me. He receives nearly a perfect score on everything he does and always has. I've spent years trying to understand him so I can be a better mother to him.

Well the teacher sits me down and asks me to read a poem that he wrote. They were learning about poetry and the class was asked to write and read a poem out loud to the class. Through the course of reading this poem I learn another thing Zander is good at. Poetry is not something you can fake. It's not something you can follow rules for and have the desired affect. His poem was sweet and soft. It was emotion felt and tender. I have no idea what is the expectation of 4th grade poetry but Zander's poem was very well written and fulfilled all purpose. I love poetry and have always read it to the children. I know a good poem because it gives me goosebumps and a clarity of what the poet is conveying.

So the second part of the assignment was that they had to read it out loud to the class. Zander refused. He didn't just refuse, he cried and begged not to. He doesn't have a fear of public speaking at all. He's very social and often has opportunity to present things in front of his peers at school, at church, at scouts, and at home. Never a problem. So I asked him what was up. I asked if he felt that his poem was inferior, after all I had never read another 4th graders poem before and all of his peers have already presented. He said no, that he knew it was good. Well then what's the issue? He told me that he wrote it from a special place and he didn't want other people to go there...yikes.

As a way for his teacher to encourage him she told him that if he didn't present his poem that he would lose 20 points from his final grade. She knows what motivates him. He's a people pleaser and that's a pretty severe penalty on a grade. Especially on a poem that was pretty darn good. I knew immediately which option I would choose, but I told him to choose. I was hoping that this would offer me some more insight into the thought processes of Zander. This needed to be his decision. Yes I could force/motivate him to read that poem, but I have a hard time imposing my will on things that are sensitive to our children. I treat them how I want to be treated.

So after a day of thinking he came to me and told me that he was going to take the lower grade. This was the option I would have also chosen but I hadn't told him that until I heard his choice. Most people probably wouldn't have chosen that way. For most, this wouldn't have been a big deal at all. According to his teacher, Zander was the only kid in his class that had this issue. I was so proud of him that he didn't let social threats compromise his internal guiding mechanism. He didn't compromise who he was to comply with grades and peer pressures.

Now I understand that there is benefit in forcing yourself to be better and stronger, but I don't necessarily think that this was a case of that. I don't think that this had anything to do with better and stronger. I think what Zander did was the harder and stronger choice. It would have been easier to give into these pressures. I think that forcing him would have belittled Zander. I watched him struggle with this decision. If this were his Native American presentation that he didn't want to do, that would have been a different story. This was sensitive to him for some reason. This was special. He didn't want to cast his pearls before swine, so to speak.

We spent the rest of the conference talking about how to help Zander deal with the world he is living in. How his peers affect him so profoundly. How his teacher and I can be a team to help him overcome some of these battles that he constantly has. We glanced at his report card, at his grades, at the way children are measured in society. These had nothing to do with Zander. How Zander conducts himself is a larger measure to me as a mother. That's the report card that matters to me the most. The opinions of his leaders, friends and teachers on what type of child is Zander. On how they feel to be around him.

And once again at the end of this I'm left mystified by Zander. There's this song (yes I'm noticing a trend with my blog posts) that I heard again for the first time in a while, when we were going through this. It's called Oh me. Nirvana performed it but it's by the Meat Puppets. This song is Zander. My perception of him. How his mind works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIgugzypVXU

If I had to lose a mile
If I had to touch feelings

I would lose my soul

The way I do

I don't have to think
I only have to do it

The results are always perfect

But that's old news.

Would you like to hear my voice

Sprinkled with emotion

Invented at your birth?

I can't see the end of me

My whole expanse I cannot see

I formulate infinity

and store it deep inside of me

If I had to lose a mile

If I had to touch feelings

I would lose my soul

The way I do

I don't have to think

I only have to do it

The results are always perfect

And that's old news

Would you like to hear my voice

Sprinkled with emotion

Invented at your birth?

I can't see the end of me

My whole expanse I cannot see

I formulate infinity

and store it deep inside of me

3 months

2011-11-04T10:18:00.000-05:00

There's this Kelly Clarkson song that I just love called Sober. Usually when I love a song it's the words that I love. I adore words. Strange? Yes! I realize this.

Growing up I wrote book upon book of poetry. Twisting words to not just sound cool but make the reader feel SOMETHING, was my passion. Anyway, I was dancing in my kitchen with my little ladies the other day, which is a very usual in these parts (please never drop by unannounced...the shame!), and that song came on. I know it by heart and as I was singing the words I realized that the song is not just about giving up an addiction to some substance such as alcohol or drugs of sort, but it could be about giving up any addiction. I started to remember this time when I was very addicted to this boy. How this relationship really ruined me and he in essence became a drug to me. As is common to me, my mind began racing about all of my successful turns away from addictions. I have a serious food addiction, but I've broken that addiction by control, I have to eat after all.

Then my mind stumbled on to my old friend Facebook. My most recent sweet addiction. The chorus of the song goes, "three months and I am still sober". I grabbed my calendar and traced back how long ago I gave up Facebook...well wouldn't you know it's been a few days over three months. And I'm still sober! Not one time have I peeked or even signed in to that account. Not one day has gone by that I've missed that addiction that has now grown sour in my mouth.

I really believe in the process of sharing experiences to help one another. After all, if it weren't for the amazing women around me throughout my life I would never be successful in anything that I do. I've learned so much from their example, trials, advice, and soft corrections.

Since giving up that ol temptress, I've changed in the following ways:

I am much slower to anger towards my fellow men

I am more patient with people

I've forced my self to step outside the computer box and actually communicate with people, if there's someone I want to get to know, I have to talk to them not just friend them.

I've mended a handful of relationships that went south because of my involvement on facebook

I am so much more productive during my down times when I'd normally look at facebook

I am less consumed with what everyone else is doing and focus more time on what I CAN be doing

I spend less time dwelling on my hurt feeling through poor facebook translation

These are the major ones. Now ask me what I miss....nothing! It took a good three days to get it out of my system. Random status updates kept popping in my head throughout the day. I started to just write them down or text them to my friends, just to get it out. But honestly after three days....I rarely ever thought about it again.

Even now when I hear people talking about facebook or see women obsessing over something a friend said on facebook, I take peace in knowing that I let that vice go. Yesterday I was around a bunch of my kids peers and as they were all playing I was checking my email on my phone. One little girl asked me if I was on facebook. I interpreted this question as her asking me if I have an account. I snapped an answer right back at her and said no I don't use facebook. I wasn't offended really, it was just that in my head, I am so far removed from that and have such an aversion, that I didn't want anyone to think I had anything to do with it. So funny how times have changed.

So for me, "three months and I'm still sober"!

I truly feel like a part of me has returned to the simpler times in life. I shed off something of this world that was holding my progression back. I realize that this is not what facebook is for everyone, but I do know that nearly everyone whom I've told about me giving it up has told me that they've thought about doing it themselves many times....very telling. Another friend of mine gave it up around the same time I did. She did it for her reasons and has also been successful without regrets.

If there's something in your life that is holding you back, I urge you to let it go. If it doesn't produce a good fruit and seems like it will be too hard to let go, I assure you those are the ones you need to drop...now! I also know from experience that everything hard is worth every effort a hundred fold. We all have vices we hang onto...shake them off. Don't let things control you. Remember you're in charge.

tumblin' tot

2011-11-03T11:49:00.001-05:00

About two weeks ago Eryx took a nasty spill down the stairs. As you may know I'm pretty anti-gate. I teach the littles how to go up and down the stairs right off. Now I love my baby's gourds, but with three older kids in the home, a gate will mean instant time suck and death of Melissa. I'm pretty sure that only Zander will be strong and coordinated enough to open the gate, which means I will be running up and down the stairs all day to let prisoners in and out of the gate. While this stair climbing may be good for my pregnant and growing butt, I think I will self-destruct if I have to commit to a lifetime of it.

But when I saw my yummy little buddy tumble from top stair to bottom stair hitting his head on each and every board, with a final watermelon splat on the floor....well I thought it was time to reconsider my laziness... In typical Melissa fashion, I thought there has to be another way.

A while back I was over at a friend's house (MZP) and she had this genius invention that totally blew my mind. It's not a common occurrence you see. I'm pretty tough to impress in all, but this was amazing....so I totally copied it! I took some of her suggestions on how to improve her version and came up with a few of my own.

Basically all it is is a big ol hunk of wood. I stapled quilting batting to it, and then sewed a sleeve. I left one side open and just tucked it in so I can throw the cover in the wash when someone barfs on it. I can also change the cover as I want to keep it exciting. Chris had a great idea of covering it with flannel and cutting out fun shapes making it a flannel board so the trapped child could get some distraction and learning from it. All good ideas. We put it one stair up so he can still think he's climbing something. And as you can see the toddler can climb right over it as well as the adult with hands full. I told you, totally blew my mind!!

the great rearrange and the never ending quest to not ruin the kids

2011-10-31T08:53:00.000-05:00

This weekend we took it upon ourselves to rearrange rooms. We live in a four bedroom house, but have only been using three rooms as bedrooms. We have been using the third large bedroom for a playroom. The boys shared a room, and the girls shared a room.

Over the course of the last month or so it has become apparent that we will need to convert that third room into a bedroom once again. Pretty much every night one child would be found sleeping on my bedroom floor because the other child in the room woke them up. This mostly happened to Zander and Eryx. Eryx sleeps through the night, but he likes to wake up at night and call out for someone to save him....nobody ever does, but the pathetic plea wakes up Zander, and apparently the best place in the house is on the floor next to our bed. This was a good place until my husband stepped on Zander and nearly broke him in two. Zander has started to refer to himself as a Nomad and would look for places in the house just to be. I'd find him in the strangest spots. Zander has also been having some issues with wanting more space and more time to himself, so we decided to give the boys their own rooms and have the girls share the large bedroom we use as a playroom.

This of course has caused much issue with Mia. Comments like "you treat Zander like a king" and such poured out of her mouth. But hey, I didn't plan the birth order or genders in our family. Sorry chica, you're stuck with Elle until Zander moves out. That answer did not make her feel any better.

So anyway, this moving of bedrooms literally took our whole family the entire day on Saturday. I learned two things: first, our kids (girls) have way too much. Second, Mia is a total mess. That child saves everything and likes to collect things that will eventually end up in Eryx's throat. We would have one mess cleaned up and stumble upon a whole new one. Now I've been in many other homes and by comparison our children have minimal toys, but man o man was I tempted just to chuck it all out in the driveway and let the garage sale dwellers come and pilfer.

In the process of the move both of our littles (Eryx, Elle) started coughing. By that evening it was apparent that they both had developed croup. Croup is very scary for certain throats in our family. Mia almost died a few times from it and now to see Eryx getting as bad as she does freaks me out. So to the whole point of this blog post. When a child has croup the best thing to do is run a humidifier in their room all day and night. This makes it so their throats are moist and they can keep breathing.

My point, I've noticed that the last two nights now the littles (Eryx, Elle) have slept so soundly and slept very late into the morning. So my conclusion is, A. they are sick and need the sleep, or B. the white noise produced by the humidifiers keep it quiet enough in their rooms that the normal madhouse noise doesn't wake them up.

Has anyone every tried a white noise machine. Will they ruin you on falling asleep. I used to fall asleep to music as a teenager and for years...and even still actually, I have trouble falling asleep without that type of distraction. By buying them one will I be committing them to a lifetime of Brookstone shopping excursions....... any ideas?

one year old....and other news

2011-10-28T13:50:00.000-05:00

Can it be so?

My little buddy turned a year old a few weeks ago and wow how quickly time flies!

He really is the sunshine in my everyday.

The family resemblance is insane.

We have another mini-Chris here for sure!

The dimples still melt my heart. He's simply the sweetest little guy around. What an amazing blessing he's been in our family. Nobody can resist him. He's spoiled rotten and that's just fine!

In other news we are very happily expecting baby Krantz #5 in April. Yes this baby was absolutely planned, as all of them were. They will be exactly 18 months apart. It's all Eryx's fault. If he weren't so yummy and sweet I'd say that we would have been done. We figure that nobody gets to the end of their life and wishes that they didn't have that last kid, but I have met plenty of people who've told me that they wish they would have had another. I'm not saying that #5 will be our last, because I have not gotten an answer to that either way, but we are very happy that the Lord has trusted us with another of his spirits. Hope we don't screw them all up royally!

And yes we realize that in these days 5 kids is the crossover to the crazy and strange Mormon family. I shall wear that title proud. There is nothing else with greater meaning in my life that my faith, and my family. We have a great vision of what we desire our family to be. It will not be easy, but I assure you it will be worth it. I always say that kids are a worthwhile investment. So we will put our shoulders to the wheel and have peace in the knowledge that we are growing the Lord's kingdom on earth. After all, have you been out lately....we need more righteous kids around here....yikes!!!

~thoughts~

2011-08-30T15:16:00.000-05:00

A lesson I've been trying to really bring home with the kids is this: learn how to deal with people now when you are young because it only gets harder the older you are. That is another blessing of having siblings...you get a lot of practice!

photo discovered on Pinterest

Facebook Anonymous

2011-08-28T19:59:00.000-05:00

After almost a year of contemplation, I'm deleting my facebook account. It was such a hard choice and I'm not sure why, but the vice it held on me was strong. Ive given it up for a few days or weeks at a time, but always went back to the ol temptress.

I'm making the change because over the last two years I've noticed a great change in ME and the only thing I can put my finger on is facebook. My general mood towards others has really changed. My relationships with those who live close to me in particular. I find myself so irritated with people that I develop opinions of them based on side comments they've made on here. That's not good, and I know that that has happened to me very much. I feel like I'm totally misunderstood by most of my peers. I know this because when people actually get to know me, they always tell me that I'm not at all what they thought. That makes me so sad. I try so hard to be the best person I can be and to know that people just don't get me and think negatively about me breaks my heart. I've had so many misunderstanding due to tone on there. I've misunderstood people. I've lost friends. I've allowed myself to be so offended. I've caused offense out of shear temptation, and succumbing to a loss of tolerance. These cyber relationships have literally ruined my view on mankind. I prefer to live in the dark, or live in my bubble.

Sure there is a good side to facebook, but for me the bad really out ways the goods. I have found all of my old friends from my childhood except one. I've reconnected with family.

I saw this blurb on CNN about technology addiction, and I definitely saw some warning signs in the way I use facebook. Now I don't sit on it for hours. I have the app on my phone and most of my facebook time is when I'm waiting for someone or something. I don't neglect the family for anything I'm doing on there, but I do check it often. I have a hard time not checking it and feel a pull to it constantly. I don't like "things" to have that control over me. I'm left trying to figure out why. Why do I feel like I need it so much. Most things on there are superficial. Most relationships on there are superficial too. I dislike that and the way it makes me feel to constantly be involved in it.

After really thinking about it, and I've decided what about facebook the most is that I like having the voice. I love the creative outlet for my words. Also, I've been told by a few that I have inspired them in different ways. I like that. I like to show people that there is a better way, or another way. I likewise enjoy learning from the ones that show me that same thing. These are the goods about my facebook experience. These experiences are the meat of facebook and if I could insure that all interactions were as pleasant, I'd stick to it.

So now what? Well maybe I'll actually keep up with the blog again. The blog offers much less temptation to "come back" on comments made by others. If someone doesn't like what I have to say, then they don't have to come here. It's not popping up in front of their face on facebook. In the blog I don't have to see the braggy braggy that goes on. I won't be challenged by the random friends of friends on my playful comments. I can invite whomever I want to view it if I feel that need.

So here it is. If you are sad at the Melissa loss on your facebook addiction, I'll keep in touch. Send me an email, give me a call or text. I love texting....I'll always text. Tell me you miss me and I will do the same and maybe we can have lunch, or a phone call. That's better than a status update anyway right?!?

Check back here as I promise to update since it's my only way of sharing photos with friends and family. That's the whole reason this blogging started up in the first place. It was a place for me to show our long distance family what our kids are up to since we do live so far. It was a service. Wow how blogging has changed. I'm going back to basics and I'm simply thrilled. I invite you to examine your facebook feelings. Make changes where needed, but don't let something else of this world have such a powerful hold over you as I know it does have many.

You know where I am!

melissajkrantz@hotmail.com
713-857-3256

"what are you going to do when YOU grow up?"

2011-07-20T11:58:00.000-05:00

This seems to be the question to ask little kids. It gets to me when people ask my kids that question, or tell me what their kids want to be when THEY grow up. At 9, 7, 3, they are hardly in any position to really answer that question, and if they can, what does it even mean.

At 32 years old I've figured out what I want to do when I grow up, but it took some years and exploration. I hope my children have a career path picked out before they are 32 years old of course, but do I really care what that is?? No! I want them to be educated to their fullest. I want them to be good people who give of themselves with nothing reserved.

A sweet friend of mine told me about this book months ago, and while I was at the bookstore I found it and had to buy it for them. It speaks of exactly what I mean. It's about a little boy who has "big plans".

It never talks about what those plans are exactly, but it talks about his excitement, his desire, enthusiasm to do whatever "big plan" he has.

He tells the whole world of his plans. He shouts it to everyone who will listen.

So it got me thinking, I don't really care if my children are medical doctors, or lawyers. I don't care what car they will drive, or the size of their bank account. As children, I don't care if they boast the career of their desire to people who ask. I hope they have "big plans". I hope they have plans much bigger than making money. I hope they want to do good and be good. I don't care their vocation. I care about their heart.

You may just look at me and say, well you are just a stay at home mom. Yeah, well so what? I too have big plans. I've put a lot of those in motion and have many more. I'm so grateful that my life has afforded me the opportunity to seek those plans out and not spend all of my time seeking out a paycheck. I've always had big plans you see...what are yours? You should ask Zander what his are...he will tell you, and I hope it happens.

And to my friend with who introduced me to this book...I hope your big plans are working out!

"smile, it causes less wrinkles"

2011-05-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

I grew up in dark places. I was surrounded, at times, by misfortune. It wasn't all rainbows and sunshine in my childhood homes. Those times are gone and I still am. When you come from yuck, you have such a great perspective on what is really truly YUCK.

I can't help but notice how most people seem to be so apathetic. So negative. It's tiring really. Things happen, life happens. No matter how you fight it, CRAP happens. You have no choice in the matter. You cannot choose your trials. That can be a very frustrating reality for many people. But does that mean you just slump your head and plod along angry at the world, always looking for the poop in situations. I don't think so. I think many people choose that course because it's easier, but it's not better. No ma'am!

The only real thing in this life that you can control is YOU.

I got into a conversation with my Mia this morning on the way to school. Her teacher told her that she had to bring a stuffed animal to school, and we forgot one. Mia was pretty upset, not because she forgot her toy, but because her teacher told her that she HAD to do it. They were not using this toy for any learning purpose, just to snuggle on the last fun days of school. She said that her teacher told her that she had to do everything she said. I get that, I see that. I told her that well she doesn't have to. Mia looked confused. I told her that I am her boss and she MUST listen to only me...now I'm joking with her. She then asked me..."who is your boss?". Hmm...who is my boss???

I guess a good answer would have been God, but that 's not exactly right. I told her that when you are an adult, you are your own boss. You choose what you do everyday, what you eat, what you wear, when you go to bed. You govern yourself. She then shouted a very apathetic, "unfair!". I told her that when you are an adult you've grown into the tools that God has given you to make all of those choices and how to align them with what He has commanded you to do. I told her that sometimes it takes a lifetime to figure out those tools, but it doesn't have to.

So this brings me to choices. There are a few things that in this life that I've chosen to really work hard on. I've chosen to make a priority, and I can say that I've mastered them. One is the power of positivity. It's rare that I don't look at the positive in a negative situation. I always wake up every morning so excited for the day, even when nothing is going on, and even more when we are busy. When I'm sick or hurt, I have a grateful heart that it will not be forever, and my perspective changes when I'm well.

How much better is our life when we focus on the good instead of always seeking out the bad to complain about. There's so much bad that I think if we let it all in we will become bad. I've seen it happen...I know some people...LOL! In every situation there is some good. I cannot think of one situation that does not have a potential positive in it. But what will you choose?

Don't be a complainer. If you see something you don't like, instead of complaining about it and bringing everyone around you down with you. Step up and make a change. I try really hard to surround myself with people who pull me up, not push me down. I want to spend my time with friends that make me feel good when I'm with them....not complain complain complain in my presence. I want to be the sort of friend that lifts those I'm around. I want people to want to be around me, not push me out of their life because I'm a Debbie Downer. You see my point here? We all know those people...both sides. Who do you prefer to be around?

So next time you are inclined to complain or focus on the negative...leave it. Let it go. Search out the good, it's in there I promise you it is!

the art of creativity...can you feel it?

2011-05-17T12:53:00.000-05:00

A week ago or so Mia brought home her Art portfolio from school. The kids do this every year and it's one of my most favorite days. We sat there and looked through what she had created and I felt so proud of her. Later in the week I went to school to have lunch with my Mia and noticed the art work that laced the halls of the school. Every one looked exactly the same. There were a few subtle differences, but they were all for the most part the same.

In home school Zander has to memorize 8-10 poems a year. They vary in length. After he memorizes them he has to recite them to someone to practice his public speaking skills. Today he started working on a poem by Emily Dickinson called A Slash of Blue.

A slash of Blue—

A sweep of Gray—

Some scarlet patches on the way,

Compose an Evening Sky—

A little purple—slipped between—

Some Ruby Trousers hurried on—

A Wave of Gold—

A Bank of Day—

This just makes out the Morning Sky.

When he's trying to memorize a poem, I read it to him three times, we discuss the meaning of it, look up any words that we don't understand, then he begins working on the memorization.

With this specific poem there was an optional extra exercise. It was to have the child use watercolors and paint a morning sky or an evening sky using the colors described and the child's own imagination. I set down a piece of paper and some paints in front of him. He just looked at me. I said paint a sunrise or sunset. He just looked at me. I was very confused. He told me that he couldn't do it. I was even more confused so I asked him what the problem was. He said he needs a sample, and that I need to paint one first so he knows what it should look like...REALLY?? REALLY???

I said ummmm NO! You need to read the poem again and paint what it describes. He got so upset that he would in some way do it wrong. Is there a wrong way to be creative?? We went to the Internet and googled pictures of sunsets and sunrises. There were millions with different colors and different subjects. We used these photos as inspiration. We did not copy a single picture, we let our minds grope at the possibilities of what a painting of a sky could include. After scrolling through a few pages Elle and I sat down with him and we all began to paint. So how does this relate to Mia and her portfolio? Why is this so painful to me?

Giving a child three colors of paint and a example to copy exactly is not Art. It's not! It's not creativity. It doesn't teach a child to express themselves through that medium. I've mentioned a few times how Elle goes to this little class that the district offers. It's a total waste of time, but I love watching the parents. When we arrive the teacher has an art project on the board and the students are to "create" their own based on that sample. The only colors set out are the ones used in the sample, usually two. I watch the other parents demand to their child that the nose is supposed to be colored orange..."now color it orange! We have to color it the same as the sample!". Do we? Do we really have to color that nose orange? Ummm no! That nose can be brown, or green or red. Or here's a thought...let's NOT color that nose and color the rest whatever color we feel a snail should be colored.

After Zander, Elle and I painted our pictures, we went on with the lesson and discovered that some feel that this poem that Emily Dickinson wrote was about the sky at two different times of the day, but others speculate that it is about a war that took place during her lifetime. So we researched her and her life a bit, then traced it to the Civil War.We read a little about the civil war as well. The colors in the poem were a mirror of uniform colors, plus other war imagery in there.

After our research, we reread the poem. This time the poem felt very different to us. Both of us. When I finished reading it I looked up at a silent Zander and found that he (and I) had tears in our eyes. I wondered what type of painting he would paint now. I wondered if that feeling he had would cause him a panic of failure at the task or would it inspire him to paint a picture because he FELT the emotion in that poem.

I am so thankful for that lesson we studied today. There were a few deeper lessons within it. I hold creativity very close to my heart. In every aspect of my life I am a creator. The joy I feel making my little piece of the world my own holds great strength and motivation to me. It made me sad that Zander didn't know how to be creative. I was sad that in his previous art classes he wasn't encouraged to be creative, but just to be like everyone else. Creativity comes easily to my little girls they spend literally hours with crayons, paints, stamps, markers, glue, you name it. Zander is different. I explained to him what being creative means. I helped him see the power in thinking out of the box that society draws for us to cram ourselves in. There's not even air holes in there, its suffocating.

See!

2011-05-10T12:23:00.000-05:00

Often times I talk about how my kids are learning starving. I've told the story about Zander who at four, learned his numbers from 1-100 in a 30 minute flash card session with me. They are sponges and I really believe that if delivered in the correct way, they will crave more and more and more.

This brings me to my little three year old monster Elle. Over the last year I've tried working with her on her letters and numbers, but the only thing she was interested in me doing with her was reading. So reading is what we've done. Books upon books upon books. I've memorized many a book while reading to our kids. Well this was fine and good until about a two months ago she said, "mommy look, I wrote my name!". Sure enough she in fact wrote her name. Capitol E, lowercase L, lowercase L, lowercase E. Just as I had shown her a million and ten times when I was certain that she was not paying attention.

I thought to myself, ok now we are getting ready to really do something here. Later in the day, she drew one of her infamous potato men with stick legs and under it she wrote "Moe". An odd coincidence maybe, but she calls them all Moe and always has...Moe. M...o...e. This is a name she took out of a favorite book. A few days later I found her sitting at the table writing her name out in pretzel sticks and making other letters. She didn't know that the F she made was a F, but she knew it was a letter, and she told me, "look mom, I'm making letters".

These are the signs parents...these are the subtle clues that your child is ready to begin. I've been waiting for this one to get that thirst and hunger. I have a choice here. Do I choose to say..."eh kindergarten will take care of all of that", or do I say..."Elle let's try this, and this, how about this". Some would choose one, and some would choose the other.

We are still not sure if Elle will go to Kinder or not. I believe in Kindergarten. I really do. It broke my painfully shy kids out of their shells. Especially Zander. Now he's more social than any of us. I believe in Kinder. She will probably go. But she's 3 now. That leaves me time to either sit idle or enrich.

You all know what road I'm choosing.

A few weeks back I bought this little book.

Elle occasionally goes to this little preschool class that our school district offers for free. I think it's a total bust and waste of time personally, but I enjoy watching the other freakish parents. The kids do a lot of cutting and Elle was struggling. So I bought this little book for her to have something to work on while Zander and I do school.

This is what she did today...in 20 mins. She would not stop. "more, more, and more" is what she asked. So in true Melissa fashion, I gave her more. They got harder and harder and she rose to the occasion. I allowed her to go until she felt challenged and her work showed a struggle. She finished the book.

Look for the clues and use every moment as a teaching opportunity. That's how I do it. Nobody knows them better than mama. If Zander is struggling with something, I put it in terms of swimming and all of a sudden he's interested and willing. If not swimming then I start chucking around his pillow pet and make it be the teacher. He loves it and cracks up. Other people would not know that. Momma Knows!

What an opportunity we have to teach the next generation. If home school is not your bag, I cannot suggest enough that you pick something to do with the kids over the summer. This summer the our kids are going to learn cursive and Latin. Do something! You'll be amazed, I promise!

On Mother's Day...an unorganized rambling of sorts

2011-05-08T13:04:00.000-05:00

Every Mother's Day I have a slew of mixed feelings. Mixed, messy, upside down, slippery, kinda jumbled and unorganized. Every Mother's Day I spend a little while reflecting on how I am doing as a mother. Are my goals being met for our family. Is there any area that I can improve myself and better qualify for that ever elusive title of MOTHER.

I like to do that. I like accounting and accountability. Taking stock...I'm not too proud to say that I need work. We all need work. I believe that we can glory in our imperfections as long as there is a greater goal being worked on and chipped away at. As long as you are striving at SOMETHING. Are you striving? Don't be stagnant...we have enough of that already don't we? Look around. We do!

Anyway, I always take a little time to take stock on Mother's Day.

Mother's Day is a tough one for me. Not just because of my life with my mother, but it just bugs for some reason. I remember the years that passed while we didn't have children and wanted them so badly. Those Mother's Days were painful. So painful. I remember the Mother's Days I've spent pregnant. Those were the best. I remember the ones I spent as a child with my mother before I was mature enough to realize what was going on there. Sometimes being naive feels so good!

In my mind everyday should be Mother's Day right? I feel that way. I'm so thankful EVERYDAY for all that I have. It's never easy, but my husband and family take care of me. If I need a night off, I get it. If I need a nap, I get it. If I need a new necklace...well I buy it. I do realize that every woman is not in that situation and loves a day for herself like that, but I don't like the extra attention. Maybe it's because my mother's tank is full. I don't know.

So where am I going with this? No clue! I know a lot of people have chosen not to have children. That's OK with me. I'm glad that my parents (as messed up as they were) made the choice to have children. I'm grateful that because they were not selfish or driven by fear, I was born. They chose hope. My childhood was hard. It was. It was hard and sad at times, so lonely. But if it had never happened, if I had never been exposed to those things, if my parents ended my life before it had a chance to began, I would not be here with my little crew. I would not be a mother. I would not have the joy and opportunity to raise little people who can improve the things my parents messed up. I REFUSE to allow other peoples mistakes make my decisions or take away my options out of fear for a repeat.

I'm grateful to be a mother four times over. I look forward to all that it brings, and am thankful that my Father in Heaven reminded me of my divine calling when I was so close to forgetting. I'm also thankful to have found a man that has allowed me to live up to my potential and is reaching his at the same time.

Ask yourself a question...

2011-05-06T08:59:00.001-05:00

This weekend my glorious husband of almost 11 years bought me a new kitchen. Now you have to understand that when we moved into this foreclosure not only did we get it for a steal, but we got a funky rotten kitchen. FUNKY! So in the weeks after we bought it, we gutted the kitchen and put in a temporary kitchen of sorts just to last us a little while until we could figure out what we really want. Our temporary kitchen cost us about $2000 and a whole lot of elbow grease. We knocked down walls, broke up tile, bought some new appliances. We bought raw cabinets and stained them, then installed them. Anyway you get my point. We put in a tile counter top which in the beginning looked nice, but was a pain in the booty to work with.

Two weeks ago we decided that enough was enough of this hodge podge kitchen. My husband said the three most beautiful words to me that a man could say to a woman on the verge of redesigning her new kitchen..."whatever you want". Oh how I swooned...yes I swooned. Fewer things make me happier. Although Chris knows of my extreme frugality so he could trust me with those words when they were said. I have a hard time spending our money on things that are not horribly needed and when I do I must always get a deal.

So I took a long hard look at our kitchen and decided all that was necessary was the counter tops and back splash. Everything else is pretty good. Off we went to the store to pick out the new stuff. It took me about two days to really finalize everything. The workers came and went and as I sit here I stare at my new kitchen. I adore it. Really I do, and often I wonder how I could love "stuff" so much. But you see, as a stay at home mommy of four I pretty much live in my kitchen. I feel it finally reflects us.

I told a few close friends what was going on mostly out of pure jubilation. Once it was all done they asked me to post pictures on facebook. Chris likewise asked me why I didn't post anything on facebook about the kitchen. So this leaves me to my question: How much of what you do is for the attention, benefit, shock, or envy of others? Now we all do it. Do kid anyone by saying none.

This left me with sort of a dilemma. I didn't want to be that girl. I have been that girl. But this time I feel like I don't need or even want that attention. What's changed here? It's not the kitchen. I know most everyone will love it. It's unique, sleek, sparkly and new. What is it in me that says no...not this time. Posting pictures of facebook would almost embarrass me. I'm not sure what is going on here.

I've seen many a friend post pictures of their new kitchen or bathroom, and most are very happy for them. But inside those comments you read about envy. I've felt envy while looking at those pictures. I don't think there is anyone in my life that I'd like to make feel the way I've felt in those situations.

Don't we already put each other down so much. We do. We all feel it. We say to ourselves that so and so is such a great dresser, or what's her name has a bigger house than I do, or why are her kids so well behaved. As a result we put our self down by comparing. I'm really trying here to not continue that poo poo. I really think that women are each others worst enemies. Its all pretty from the outside, but so much yuck can be inside.

Maybe the solution is to surround yourself with only those who know you for you and know your intent and likewise you know their heart. Is that even possible. I'd have like five friends then. Five really good friends, but just five none the less.

Either way, I'm not giving in this time. I will not post pictures. I guess if anyone wants to see the kitchen, they will need to stop by...umm bring food....then I'll show you. I doubt that anyone even really cares or has given this as much thought as I have. After all one of my gifts is thinking things to DEATH. It's a skill really. But I think this feeling I have is a good one. It shows a change for the better and a caring for the people around me. I'm going to ride that wave for a while. I will continue on my quest to end humble bragging. I'm going to do it I tell ya! I challenge you likewise to look inward and see how much of what you do is for appearance and envy. I know we are not perfect, but everyday of my life I'm trying to be better and I know that one day I will be because of my efforts. Not in this life maybe, but it will come.

"I'd rather see the world from another angle"

2011-04-28T08:23:00.001-05:00

When I was fifteen I worked at Best Buy. Well actually when I turned fifteen I worked at McDonald's for about twenty minutes, and promptly after seeing that job as a bust I got a job at Best Buy. I worked in the "media" section which means that my life at work consisted mainly of organizing, finding, and dusting Cd's.

It was a great fit because as any fifteen year old, I was obsessed with music. I designed shirts for my favorite bands in my free time. I drew new cover art for my favorite Cd. I even wrote poetry that was inspired by the flavor of my favorite songs. Best Buy was a perfect researching ground. I would spend a lot of time looking through the stacks and stacks of Cd's for my next find.

I remember the day I happened upon Jewel for the first time. Her Cd had just come out but not hit the radio yet. The album cover intrigued me so I bought it. I was impressed with her crooked teeth and chubby thighs. Her voice too was great, and her lyrics I liked even better.

The last week or so I've been listening to that album on my ipod (what's a cd?). We listen to music while we do just about anything. I was raised by the tv so it seems that I need noise but the tv distracts Zander from school, so we listen to music. Her songs have come alive to me again as an adult and I understand a deeper meaning to her lyrics. Her money fixed her crooked teeth, and fame fixed her thighs, but I still adore her voice and wit.

There is a lyric in one of her songs that I've adored since I first heard it over fifteen years ago. It's my quote on the blog ironically. The whole song that the lyric is pulled out of is pretty much a great description of me. But this lyric, in all of it's simplicity is my mantra.

So thank you Jewel. Thank you for living in your car and yodeling out songs. I adore them as much as I did your chunky thighs! And even though your music took an odd turn after that first Cd, I still think you're pretty cool.

why so mad?

2011-04-27T11:22:00.001-05:00

I remember everything...really...everything. Well now I may forget to turn in a permission slip for the kids or to turn the sprinklers off, but events. I remember everything. What the people were wearing, what they were saying, where we were, the general mood of the event. Permanently engrained into my mind. This is a curse and a blessing. A blessing for me, but usually a curse for my husband...mwahahaha!

A friend of mine kind of scolded me recently about how I'm so negative about public school and as she was sure I didn't mean to be so attacking, I was hurting her feelings for her choice was public school.

This situation sent me on a course of thought about why exactly am I so ticked off at public school. Then that dang memory came in handy. Painfully!!

I remember every grade, every teacher, every friend that I had. In first grade I had Mrs. Stangle as my teacher. She was an older lady with white popcorn hair and a pointed face. She was tall and lanky. During one of our days at school, I must have had a bunch of energy and was talking to my friend Ivette, when I noticed Mrs. Stangle's long fingers on my shoulder pinching me. She told me I was being rude and I needed to stand up and apologize to my classmates. That I did, and it was painful. I felt my mouth collapsing as I said the words and tears began to stroll down my face. I was humiliated. my teacher looked at me and said, "we don't come to school to socialize young lady." more on that comment later.

Now most children probably would not have had an issue with this embarrassment, but I did. I have always and still do have a great respect for authorities. To know that I've disappointed them is very upsetting to me. That situation wiped out my self confidence and I started to become a little more guarded at school. No big deal, but how many decades later and when I remember it I feel the same strong emotions I did then.

Around that time I was identified to be advanced. I was moved to a magnet school where I could be surrounded with peers of similar ability. I did well and most of my educational experiences were positive. Social experiences stay strong in my memory though and I'm not sure positive would be the word I'd use. I was not teased, and I had plenty of friends, but that arena breed garbage. The conversations we'd have in third grade would appal most I'm sure. Yet I got great grades and preformed very well. My parents were so proud of my good grades. I remember that.

In fourth grade my parents separated and divorced. I went to live with my dad and we moved to the suburbs of Chicago. I very quickly fell behind in school. I didn't have any help with my homework (my dad worked nights and was sleeping when I got home from school), and I transferred in the middle of the year so there were things the other kids learned that I totally missed. So here I was, a GT kid with impeccable grades left to myself in a new district and NOBODY noticed that I was struggling. NOBODY! The school let me slip further and further behind. I didn't know what was going on and I just tried to peddle through it and get by. The school didn't offer extra help or intervene in anyway. My teacher had twenty other students to deal with so I just hid and coasted by. I started to consistently be a B and C student for the remainder of my education. So much potential....

I had teachers along the way notice my abilities. Specifically my art teachers and English teachers. These are the classes I came alive in. I struggled in math so badly but no teacher ever tried to help or see what was going on. I know now what was going on, but I was a kid then. Kids don't have voices in education. Trust me! If they speak up they are marked as a troublemaker. I was always labeled precocious and frigid by my teachers. I read that word precocious on just about every report card from the time I could read. Surly there had to be a better way. My parents were so consumed with just "making it" that they left my education to school. No questions asked.

When I was in high school the social garbage was the stage for education. Education came second to the social aspect. I coasted by as a C student in all subject except Art and English. I was put in remedial math. No teacher ever offered extra tutoring, extra work, extra help. Nothing. I got scolded for not knowing answers, but a base was never laid for me in those concepts so I struggled when more was added. It was horrible. The way I felt about myself, how hard I struggled, how nobody every reached out and how I was punished by my teachers for my failures as a student, was painful.

Then there was my World Religions class. My Junior year I took World Religions and my male teacher held me after class and made a very inappropriate sexual comment and gesture to me. I escaped his grip and went directly to the front office. I sat with three people from the school while I explained what was done to me, the principal, the dean and the counselor. Their answer was simple, to allow me to drop the class. Drop the class! This Pervy Pervertson was roaming the halls with underage women making extremely inappropriate comments and gestures, and the answer was simply drop the class. If that were my child, and that happened today, we'd be rich...that's all I'm saying!

The school failed me. Over and over again! PUBLIC SCHOOL FAILED ME! Now you can say that my parents should have been more involved, and yes they should have, but the public school system failed them both as well. That's a story for another time. Oh yeah, and it failed Chris too...yet another story for another time. So I'm bitter damn it. I'm totally bitter. I did not begin to connect my issues with my kids experiences and my experience until my well meaning friend asked me to pipe down about the negativity I feel towards public school. I'm glad she did. I became my children's advocate at the school to no avail. You cannot change the system. No matter how many PTA hours you put in. You cannot change benchmarks, curriculum, or even have much of a say about what teacher your child has.

I've been doing a ton of research on Gifted and Talented individuals. Since I have children who've tested GT and both Chris and I did. It is helping me be a better teacher to my GT kids to know how they operate. In the process, I'm learning a lot about myself. My eyes are opening to who I am and why I work the way I do. It's delicious really. For the first time in my life I'm seeing that my sensitivity and intensity are not a bad thing. I'm seeing that its a higher thinking individual who asks why and how come about everything. I'm seeing that the intellectual challenge the norm and if nobody ever did that our would would be without so many wonderful inventions and knowledge. I'm seeing the traits that the world has implied are bad, are really a positive thing.

This brings me to home school. A friend of mine gave me an analogy that I adore...here it is:

Imagine you live in a world where all you eat is cabbage. Everyone loves cabbage. Cabbage is the stuff! We've always eaten cabbage. One day someone comes along and says, "Hey, try this. It's called chocolate. It tastes so much better than cabbage." the others say, "Oh no, we've only ever eaten cabbage. Cabbage is all we know. I don't know how to prepare chocolate. Everyone eats cabbage, our parents do, our grandparents did, my friends do. This is the way its always been done. Chocolate may be delicious to YOU, but it's not for me. NO I won't even try chocolate!" That's how most everyone I talk to feels about home school.

In the analogy, Public school is the cabbage and home school is the chocolate. The common consensus is that chocolate is not good because cabbage is what we've always done and it works for us. That brings me to my favorite word...mediocrity. Sure, public school works, just like cabbage works. Kids learn, they grow, they are enriched to some degree, but oh how much better it could be. How much greater could they grow, how much more could they learn, how much more enriched they could be??

I'm sure most parents are pleased with their child getting good grades in public school. My children have opened my eyes that there could be more. Their constant begging for more reading, more math, more word study, more school. Every year my kids were in school THEY would beg me to ask their teachers for more homework. They want it, and as a parent I've always tried to set the stage for their learning. I realize that my school age children may be GT, but I really think it applies to all children. A child loves knowledge and information. Their ability to learn is immense, they just need opportunity. They need someone to take the time and see how far they can go. Public school will not give them that. I am a product of that fact. In third grade my 8 year old was being taught multiplication. At home he is learning Algebra. I would never have known he could do algebra if I had never had the thought of seeing how far he can go in math. If I left his education up to the school system he would be doing algebra as a freshman in high school. That's seven years that he would have wasted in school, bored to tears. He's learning Algebra now, I can't wait to see what concepts he grasps when he is 15. So much wasted time.

So give it a test, I dare you! I double dog dare you! Forget yourself this summer. Pick something, anything and work on it with your kids. If your kid swims..eh ehm...do a unit study on swimming. Famous swimmers, history of swimming as a sport, the Olympics. Do math word problems based on swimming, research and write biographies on famous swimmers. Write lists of spelling words pulled out of swimming texts, platform, meters, freestyle...etc. Paint pictures of water scapes where people swim. You get my point.

I remember one summer my kids were obsessed with eating mangos...many a mango met it's fate that summer on my kitchen cutting board. So we studied the mango...yup. We did all of the above about mangos. THEY LOVED IT. It was silly, it was fun, it brought us together as we did it all together. It opened my eyes to their thirst for knowledge and their excitement for learning....the mango! LOL!

Take a bite...a nibble even. Try the chocolate. It won't hurt you. It's delicious, and I'm sure your kids will agree!

One more thing

2011-04-19T13:16:00.000-05:00

We've been getting really close around here. The home school change has been great. One benefit that I never even considered when we started was this...

Once the older children get old enough, mom starts to become subtracted from the equation a bit. Zander is teaching Elle how to read. He reads to her every day and it is his responsibility to teach her her letter sounds. She has her own curriculum that we (Zander) uses with my supervision of course.

I never would have thought that our decision to remove Zander from Public School would increase the relationship he has with his three year old sister, or teach Zander how to essentially teach.

They are becoming best buddies these days. This relationship was beginning to get strained before home school. Zander is one busy kid in the evenings. They really didn't see each other much. Now...well you can see for yourself....priceless!

hmmm

2011-04-18T12:52:00.000-05:00

I've been in blog denial here. Since the purchase of the iPhone, I've visited my desktop a total of five times. I don't think I can update the blog from my iPhone, so....I just didn't. Until today that is. I was editing some pictures on my rusty ol laptop and I decided to check out the blog and see exactly where I left off....to my surprise I had just posted pictures of Eryx at four months old. Ummm it's been a while. So with that I apologize and move on.

I don't even know where our days go. It's one blur after the next. We decided to home school the kids. We pulled Zander out a few months ago and Mia will start this summer when first grade is over. It was broke...so we are fixing it.

In my quest not to become one of those strange home schooling family that we all know, I've been jam packing our life full of social STUFF. Zander has way more peer interaction now then I could ever stomach when he was in school, but the difference is the kids aren't retards...sorry...that word is making an unfortunate comeback in my vocabulary.

I fear I've run out of things to even talk about on this here blog. I don't keep up with pop culture, I'm never on the computer anymore reading blogs. Day in, day out I am with my little buddies doing all that having little buddies entails. Is that interesting to you guys?? I'm not sure. I've also recently heard of a new word that I worry about when it comes to blogging or facebooking. It's humble bragging.

I think I do that often, but I don't mean to. I'm generally a positive person and I'm really truly and extremely content with what life has dealt me. So I share...I don't have sisters after all...I need an outlet for that sort of stuff you know. Have you ever been so happy that you have to tell someone...well beside Chris, (who doesn't count because he's male and extremely passive)...and Heather...it's the cyber world.

I think that over the last few months of inactivity I've been searching for a way to take this blog. A sort of blog outline. I have my interests you see, but are you interested....

When you're 4 months old you...

2011-02-08T16:04:00.002-06:00

drool like crazy

Smile like mad

chew like no other, and of course...

your older sisters treat you like a baby doll

and adore you to death

Poor kid doesn't have a chance!

There's no food in your food.

2011-02-08T09:12:00.000-06:00

It seems to me that the better the foods I feed my family the higher and higher my grocery bill goes. I can feed my family a box of hamburger helper and a can of corn for less than I would pay for one single red bell pepper. How is that? I consider Hamburger Helper to be similar to dog food. Although because they love it so, I make it a few times a month. I choose to eat cold cereal on those nights. Dog food ain't my thang you see!

Lately I've made a goal of trying to feed the family more nutrient rich foods. They will still get Hamburger Helper once in a while, but I'm trying to educate myself on the so called "power foods" and incorporating them more. My kids (except Elle) are good eaters. They love fruits, nuts and veggies, but it seems that we are stuck in a bit of a food rut and it's time to expand a bit. I can't help want to step it up a little in the nutritional area. So off we go.

I've been watching Dr. Oz for the last two weeks while Chris' grandpa visited us. I don't normally watch daytime TV, but for some reason when grandpa was watching this show, all of us got sucked in. I really learned so much about food as medicine, or as a preventative measure. Since I hate medicine and love food, its pretty much a sure fit.

I would see something on the show and make a study of it. I really have learned so much that I almost feel silly. Dr. Oz?!? yes Dr. Oz! It's really a quality show. One of the few on tv these days...aside from Jersey Shore. Man I love that Jersey Shore! I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs or drink coffee...but boy do I love that Jersey Shore!

Anyway, on this quest for higher eating, I've discovered that good nutrient dense food is really expensive. Why is that? They usually just have to pick it. Unlike my foe Hamburger Helper which is processed to death and all kinds of garbage is added in...good food is pure and simple. Maybe it's like edible gold. Gold is natural unprocessed, but very expensive. I'm going to hang onto that analogy. It just makes me feel better.

I am thankful for this recent epiphany I've had. I've found that by eating better, I'm focusing much less on how much I'm eating. Its less of a numbers game and I feel good with that. Numbers haunt the constant dieter. I don't want to diet, I want to eat natural, clean, healthy food. I think man has done enough to our food. We should take some of that back a little. Really pay attention to what you put in your mouth. It all has its effects. Foods create chemical reactions in our bodies.

Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not going all organic. I'm not eating a diet of solely twigs and hay. But instead of the sugary cereals I'm buying the healthier ones. Instead of the processed instant oatmeal, I'm buying the ones with all natural ingredients. Things like this you see. Oh and NUTS...eat nuts! I never knew how important nuts were! I don't really love nuts, but I can find a way to get em in daily.

I am so thankful for research. I am so thankful that my husband doesn't do research anymore...who said that? Anyway, I really think all things put on this earth by our Heavenly Father have a duel proposes...think about it...a good and a bad. I'm seeking out the good in my food, and hopefully teaching my littles to have an appreciation for the better. I know they will still down a box of fruit snack between the three of them if I'm not looking, but I'm searching for an appreciation here, an exposure.

So go watch Dr. Oz. You will surely learn something. He pretty much blows my mind everyday. I am rather simple minded though, so not too shocking.

My Mothers Hands

2011-02-06T16:53:00.000-06:00

If there is one thing I know well about my mother it is her hands. When I was a child I would stare at them. They were always moving and busy. I watched how she did everything. I would watch her prepare food, tie my shoes, blow dry her hair, paint her nails. I would hold just one finger to cross the street or while riding the train. For some reason her hands have always been a symbol of her love for me in my mind. They worked and worked for my betterment.

A few years ago I was doing something where I noticed that I have the same exact hands. The nail beds, the lines, even the veins are the same as I remember hers to be. It kinda freaked me out a little and pulled me back into my childhood. I moved my fingers and they were hers. It amazed me for some reason. Although the hands are not alone, I have her voice, her laugh, her crooked toe, her hair and fuzzy hairline, her hips...this list goes on and on. I am my mothers child. The sad part for me is that visual images are pretty much all I have nowadays.

This week Ive seriously been considering pulling the plug on this little blog of mine. I'm rather moody you see and sometimes I don't like the people I don't choose to know what my views are. I'm very pensive and introspective. Also I thought I had run out of things to even talk about, but that is physically impossible for me. If there is one thing I can do well it is talk...and talk and talk and talk...ask Chris.

So where did this leave me. I told Chris that I was going to unplug it and he strongly urged me to reconsider. Now if you know my husband at all, he's usually pretty mellow and I'd say that his opinions are never really all that strong when it comes to my "stuff". He listens and gives a very neutral response with both sides of the problem clearly laid out. He's very logical and often that annoys because I'm a raging female and want heat and emotion! But he said that I should not unplug. I was surprised because he rarely comments on my little blog and unless I mention I've posted something, he really doesn't even look at it.

Simply stated he said, how grateful would you be if your mom kept a blog like this, where you could now read who she was and how she felt about motherhood and the world....

So with that said, and a single tear, the blog rolls on. This is my journal. I hope that my kids will read it and know how I cherish them and how I view the world. I hope it will one day help them know more about the mother I was when they were growing. I don't often share all of these crazy thoughts with them. Our days are busy and noisy. My children will never doubt that I love them. I've made sure that every effort I make shows them that. They will have more than flashing memories of my hands tucking them in or brushing their hair. They will have yet another witness of my affection. I believe that in every family the next generation should be improved in whatever ways possible. This is one more of our many improvements.

So read on lurkers! I do love when you comment and tell me that in some small way this little blog helps you. It makes it doubly important then!

See Melissa Run

2011-02-06T16:48:00.001-06:00

This last weekend I ran the Houston Half Marathon. I set this goal back in July when I was six months pregnant with Eryx. At first I was just going to run the 5k. I was pretty sure that I could train for a three mile run in almost four months. But after looking at the calender I in true fashion Melissaness, decided to train for the half. I knew I could do it and wanted to use it as motivation to get back into running after taking a few months off.

After I had Eryx I began training and it soon became apparent that I wasn't going to be able to run the race. My knee was killing me on longer runs. So two weeks before the race I settled that I was not going to do it. I began telling everyone who asked that I wouldn't be running it and I had to deflect the looks of disappointment (or joy for my failure) that were being shot at me. It was really unsettling...and telling.

Anyway, when you run a larger race there is a Expo the day before where you pick up your number and all of the race day info. This year it was on a Saturday and the race was on Sunday. I woke up Saturday...sick as sick can be and just decided that I was going to do it. I hadn't run in a few weeks, my knee still bugged me when I went up the stairs, but I just decided I was doing it. So I did! It was that easy. I told myself that I would run as long as I could and walk the rest. I had only gotten up to eight miles in training so I thought I could do that again and walk the last five.

So off to the EXPO our family went. You can't explain the energy there. It's so contagious! I highly recommend you try it. It will infuse you with a running desire. I went to the one last year while I was pregnant. I wasn't running in that race, but the energy drew me in. Well then I found out I was pregnant with E-train and the plan began.

On race morning I woke up so sick, but I had already decided I was going to do it and I had a plan. Run as long as possible and walk the rest. No matter how slow, no matter how pathetic of a time I get. I was going to just do my best. So I ran...and ran...and ran...I walked mile six not because I had to, but to kinda spread out my energy. I ran the rest of the race. I was pretty stinkin proud to have finished it sick, injured and under trained. My time was miserable and in retrospect I should not have walked mile six, but I really got to enjoy the energy of the race during that mile and it was pretty fun. I met so many people and heard so many stories. I was so inspired!

For me training and running in long distance races has zero to do with running. It's an experience. It's about setting goals and reaching them. I think if I ever run in another race I'm going do it for charity and try to fund raise. I've thought about doing this forever. It just all goes hand in hand. So much money is raised for various charities through races like these. Again, it's so inspiring. See I'm not all evil...

How do I feel this good sober?

2010-12-22T21:41:00.000-06:00

I. Don't. Drink.

Did you know that? We don't drink alcohol. Ever.

When I was a child I was surrounded by alcohol and drugs. This post may upset some people (my parents) but it is what it is. Some of my youngest memories were of my drunk parents, or stoned parents, or passed out parents. Now that I am a parent, I cannot imagine being under the influence of anything while having these precious ones in my possession. I hated seeing my parents drink. HATED it! Even as a young child I was so disappointed in them for doing something that would make them act differently than themselves. They weren't angry drunks, or mean to me while drunk. They simply were not the people whom I loved.

Ive heard people say that they drink to relax, or open up in social situations. Are people who don't drink unable to do that on their own? Why do people need to rely on a proven harmful substance to create a false reality. If we're trying to escape something by drinking shouldn't we reevaluate our lives and cut out the things we need a reprieve from. There is always more than one way to do things. A change of perspective is priceless in my opinion.

Yes, I've tried it. I had a six month stint covering the spring to fall of 1997. I tried many things over the course of those six months. I wasn't impressed. Every time I drank I would feel so badly about myself. I remember numerous times looking in the mirror while tipsy and thinking I was pretty pathetic to put myself into that situation. I was disgusted with myself. I saw it as weak. I felt it was a weakness. A character flaw in myself. It didn't take long for me to decide that alcohol just wasn't for me. So I just stopped it. I took control of it, opened the window and let it fly away. I've seen it destroy to many people and relationships around me.

Now as an adult, a Mormon adult, I don't drink. Not because I'm Mormon, but because I just don't get the appeal. I bet that if people watched themselves while drinking they would never do it again. The stupid things they say, the moronic facial expressions, the inability to walk correctly. Even the smallest amount of it messes with your senses. I never want to find myself in a situation where I wasn't one hundred percent able to take care of myself for the sake of a good time. The truth is I have a much better time being sober surrounded by real joy and not a false sense of joy. I don't ever want to disappoint my children the way my parents disappointed me. I love that I have a strong healthy body. The thought of poisoning it is terrifying to me. I work dang hard to keep it healthy. No amount of escape is worth damaging one cell because I'm too weak.

Now I don't judge others for this, well maybe I do. I defiantly do judge others for this. It hits so close to home. When I'm at a restaurant and I see a family having dinner where both parents are drinking. It makes me ill...who's going to drive those little ones home. I've driven under the influence...even of the smallest degree...scary and one of my largest regrets in life. I judge and I just can't help it. I know to the very core of my being that it is wrong. I know that it is Satan's way of creeping into us. To make us lower our inhibitions so he can gain control...even for the shortest time. My testimony of this is stone solid. I can't make excuses for others...I just can't. Not on this one.

I try to never put myself in a situation where I witness it. I stay away from it all, and when I do happen to be placed in a situation that I don't like, I get flaming mad. I remember my youth, my parents. I'm thrown back into that life of loneliness and worry. You can live a life without it. I guarantee you would never regret not having one more drink. I guess it's another lesson in self-mastery. I've learned so many ways to deal with reality instead of just escaping it. Healthy ways. I don't think anyone could really live in this world and not know the damaging affects of alcohol. Mind, body, and Spirit.

I just don't get it. But hey that's just me...

The going ons

2010-12-11T09:43:00.000-06:00

Where have I been? Oh my its been a long time since I've blogged. I Think about it all of the time, but I just don't really have anything to say right now.

Life is good in the hood and a feeling of contentment has fallen over us. Baby boy is here and just the most easy wonderful baby, Elle is the cutest stinkin three year old, Mia is a reading machine, Zander is a swimming machine, Chris is working like a dog, Melissa is running like an old faucet. We are here doing what we do, and very happily might I add.

Christmas is upon us. Our family is doing something different this year in regards to gifts. Chris is tired of all of the commercialization of Christmas, so were trying to keep it in focus better this year.

We are staying close to home this year and having our Semi-annual Krantz Pizza Party. Last year Chris produced 22 pizzas in a few hours...We have many more local friends this year (yay!) and I'm curious to see what that will bring in regards to flour on every surface of our house. Ohh but its so worth it!

So that's what's been going on. See not much exciting to report. Thank goodness!

the need to breed...

2010-11-09T14:37:00.000-06:00

There is the huge debate in our house about how many children we should have. It's been a debate for YEARS and YEARS...about ten to be exact. Chris was happy with one, then two, then three...he's still coming around to the idea of four, but I must say that five is going to be happening and the sooner he gets used to the idea the better. I just wonder how much it's going to cost me...you see I bribe my husband for children. He really has no say in the matter because one, I'm controlling, and two it's a righteous desire that you can't dispute. He likes to joke around and make people think that he is done, but if you know me at all...well....we are not.

Some people have asked us why we want/have SOOO many children (in my opinion a family with four kids is on the large side of a small family). I always hated telling our family that we were expecting because I always felt that they viewed children and large families as a bad thing. I'm not sure why they sent out those vibes, but I am sure about the reasons why we should/need to have a large family...

Our children along with Chris and I are basically alone. They don't have cousins...not a one. They don't have aunts or uncles that they see or know. They don't really have grandparents that are involved much (this goes in phases, but nothing really consistent). They have a lot of family that I just can't let them be around because of just bad bad stuff that one day I will blog about, but not today...its a happy day I don't want to ruin it.

So as you can see, our kids are alone, much like I was raised alone. After living that life, I don't want them to have that. My kids will have eachother. They will have each other to laugh with, make fun of, hug, spend holidays with, hold each others children, watch get married, send on missions, they will take care of each other, they will cherish each other and be cherished by someone. The will be surrounded by people who know them and look like them. Chris and I will likewise have the same things. We will have the family we always wished we had, the family we needed but lacked.

Not to say that there won't be issues. I'm not trying to create perfection here, I'm trying to give them what is most important in this life...family! So the next time someone gives me the WOW your hands are full comment...well I don't know what I will do, but I will know that it is a good thing. I always tell Chris, who often gets overwhelmed by our house full of kids, that one day...one day we will be old and gray surrounded by our children and their children...and he will realize what I was trying to do all of these years, and in that moment of realization he will lean over and whisper in my ear "Thank you"! Now I hope it doesnt take that long, but he is a bit stubborn you see.

So we will keep breeding until we are told that we are done. We will treat our children as treasures because that is what they are. What a gift they are! I admire those who are selfless enough to fill their houses with children. The lessons learned from them are priceless.

She stole the show!

2010-11-04T14:33:00.000-05:00

I was taking a few pictures of Eryx and Elle wanted to be in them so I told her to jump in. I guess I forgot how photogenic Miss Elle is. She totally stole the show...sorry Eryx! I know this tho...when they are fighting and hating on eachother, I will have these photos to prove to her that she does indeed love her little brother...

No more hotdog

2010-10-31T15:04:00.000-05:00

The stage is set!

The star is primped. All of my helpers were present!

Not a tear shed, he just looked out the window the whole time!

Now mommy can kiss me again because I don't smell like hotdogs! Yes he is already smiling when he finds his mommy! Melt my heart! This shot is a bit blurry because I don't believe in flash, and because it's a one man show...I've been dying to get those dimples recorded!

I adore this kid!

I think the feeling is mutual!

I will, I won't

2010-10-19T09:23:00.000-05:00

So you may notice my new handy dandy ticker over there <-------------! Back in July I decided that I would make it a goal to run the Houston Half Marathon. It started as an idea to run the 5k, being that I will just have given birth and all, but after thought and calendar inspection, I realized that I could pull off a half.

I started training for it yesterday and I am beyond thrilled! Becasue I'm sick like that and all! So Elle, Eryx and I loaded up the stroller, the ipod, the water bottle and hit the streets of Kingwood. The training schedule I use says to start walking for a few weeks leading up to the running and I'm going to respect that because I am a big fan of not getting injured or overtrained.

I'm very pleased to say that I had the urge to run in me and am pretty sure if I weren't pushing 60 extra pounds of kids and steel I would have. I didn't, and am glad that I didn't, but man there was that little voice that kept telling me to run already! I'm very glad that the pregnancy me didn't kill the runner me. I was worried.

Now I know I had Eryx a little over a week ago and you're supposed to wait six weeks to exercise...blah blah. I feel great and totally back to normal already, and if there is one thing I know inside and out, it's my body. I pay very close attention to every aspect of it and I know it well. I'm surprised to feel this good already and the only thing I can say about it is it has to be because I exercised through out the whole pregnancy in some way. I had to stop running at six months due to bladder issues, but I did other things to keep up some of my endurance.

So with race training comes a whole slew of changes that have to take place so enter my

I will/ I won't list:

I will stop processed sugar...again...oh how I love you so!

I will work out one hour everyday except Sunday even when Chris is outta town.

I won't make the kids fetch me stuff upstairs because I'm too lazy to do it.

I won't complain about how sore I am after my ten mile runs...ten miles is my pain marker...it hurts!

I won't eat more than 1500 calories...so they better be packed with goodness.

I will actually stretch...who has time to stretch?

I will run even when it's cold outside...I get cold at 70 degrees.

I'll try not to bore those around me with my training stories and my VERY STRONG testimony of running. Yes I used a church word there...it's applicable!

That pretty much sums it up for me. These are things I do when I'm trying to either lose weight, or train for a race. By themselves they are hard enough, but all added up...pfew! They've always worked for me in the past so we'll keep it up.

Is there anything you've every wanted to do and thought that there was no way? Have you ever set goals and totally blew them out of the water? Is it hard for you to make up your mind to do something and then actually DO IT? Have you ever felt the incomparable joy of beating your mental self...after all it's ALL mental right?

I've done all of those things and I learned that no greater self esteem can come from watching yourself succeed at something that you weren't sure you could do and something others knew you wouldnt....people suck!

So my challenge is pick something off that list and DO IT ALREADY!

Eryx Krantz (faces)

2010-10-14T14:07:00.000-05:00

My oh my! How could I love something more than this little peanut! We took a few pictures this afternoon. I was going for that washed out overexposed look that is so popular these days. I was so nervous to move him too much so I captured some of his faces.

Pretty much all I do these days is sniff on him. How could I resist? I need another one! This one will grow too soon and just break my heart like his older brother.

The kids just adore him and we are all in love. He sleeps, he eats, and he is so mellow and calms down so quickly. Perfection in a small package! I highly recommend you get one if you don't already have one!

When you have a baby

2010-10-10T09:23:00.000-05:00

I've had the most amazing weekend. We didn't go to Disneyland, or Hawaii, or buy some cool new tecky nerd gadget. Our family was separated for most of it, and I was at times lonely without my baby ducks. Heck I didn't even eat one delicious morsel of food. But this weekend was simply perfect in every way!

For ten months...yes 10...people lie and say nine, but let me tell you its 10! For 10 months you are united with one little soul. Often it's bad but mostly it's good and the little soul becomes your focus and objective. All thought surrounds the little one in your tummy. In essence your growing baby becomes what you are. I'm sure at the end of my pregnancy I was described as "that pregnant woman" many times by people. Whereas if I weren't the descriptions would be more like, "the brunette" or "the girl with glasses" or something like that, but when you're pregnant you are almost defined by that baby and belly. I also believe that as women we are often defined by our children and family status, but that's another post for another day...LOL!

So after having been so focused on this life which is in you, something strange happens when that life leaves your body and enters your arms. It's truly magical to experience the birth of you own child. Magical is the only word I can think of that is accurate. I swear every time I look at him I hear tinkling bells. I think the older I've gotten and more family focused...and more selfless, I've appreciated every birth more and more. This little guy is going to have it so good. Whereas Zander was a learning challenge for me, I've got all this pretty much figured out now, and Eryx will be the benefiter of it. A new baby is not seen as work at all, but a little toy for me. I can't wait to watch him grow!

Having said all of that, I just can't believe he's out and here and perfect. All of the worry and planning are over. He's here and healthy and in the blink of an eye he will be having his own children that I will get to sniff and snuggle.

I have met people or interacted with people who say that having kids aren’t for them, or that people should stop breeding. It just breaks my heart for two reasons...One, to put a bad spin on something that is so utterly amazing is so wrong that only the devil could be in control of those emotion based words, and Two, the thought that people will close themselves off of something that is so right and correct that you cannot deny it when it happens to you, is so so sad. I actually have a lot to say on this topic, but it's coming out strange so I'll leave it there.

So for us, for us we had the best weekend ever. We gave birth to our fourth child and I felt the Heavenly responsibility placed on our shoulders. I feel my Father in Heaven so much when I hold this new soul he just put under my guard. I am ever so grateful to have my children because they make me better. In some way I hope they will be able to say that about me one day too!

I will post some good pictures this evening...I promise!!!!

I can only do so much with hospital lighting!

The real issue

2010-10-07T11:30:00.000-05:00

I've had another epiphany. This one came as a slap in the face, but I was so excited by it. You've all heard me rant on public school...come on you know you have. Well after our summer of home schooling, we decided that it would be best to send the kids back to public school. Not because of failure on any part. It was very successful in so many ways, but we just couldn’t shake the feeling that they needed to be there.

It was a tough pill to swallow because I really wanted them to stay home. We've always struggled with Zander and various problems he had with school mostly boredom and a general intolerance for other kids. He has had just as many social hang-ups as I've had academic hang ups. But we sent him; we knew it was the right thing for whatever reason.

So now that we are knee deep in the school year, I am very happy to report that the claims that 3rd grade gets tougher are right. Zander is in a wonderful class and has a teacher that recognizes that he needs more. For the first time EVER in school, he told me something was hard and he had to think about it for a minute. I loved it!!!

Ok so the epiphany...two weeks ago we had a packet sent home with a newsletter in it talking about GT kids their common traits and challenges. As I read this list, I almost fell over. The list of about fifty things good and bad, were my Zander. The bad were everything I've ever hated about public school. I had been placing his traits onto the school as if it was the school, but no, it was Zander. And well nobody complains about the goods so I didn't need to go there.

I always used to wonder why nobody else ever had a problem with public school like I do. I have so many friends who have never had one concern I've had. And now I know why. It was just us, (there are a total of five GT kids in Zander's grade and I don't know one of the parents of these children very well). What a relief this gave me!!! But there was also another side of it.

I think that sometimes people think that GT parents are braggy or showy. Let me tell you, the more I've studied this categorizing of my child, the more and more difficult I've learned that its going to be. I think having a GT kid is just as challenging as having a learning disabled kid. It's hard and sad for them and for us parents to watch the challenges they are faced with. They are different challenges yes, but challenges for sure.

Mia shows many of the same traits that Zander does. She is a different animal altogether though. They will asses her at the end of second grade to determine if she is truly GT. For now she is in another program for the younger kids. She also had to pass some testing to qualify for this program. But she has never had any of the other issues Zander has had. I'm not sure yet if she is being challenged at school since she's just in 1st grade and all, but I do know that she has already read every book the teacher has in her class...lol! They are very different children and let me tell you what a challenge it will be if she too is GT...But she's already a challenge anyway...ugh!

So there was my promised update for those of you who asked. I apologize for my public school bashing. My eyes have been opened a bit. I am also very thankful that we live in such a great school district. I've always said that. Our district is one of the best in Houston. People move here just for the schools. We did! I'm thankful that I've learned that our challenges are not the schools fault, but how they handle our challenges is on them. All I can say is that things are looking up and I'm hopeful.

Next post will be all baby...here's the warning now! No we haven’t had him yet, but soon! This poor kid will be phototgraphed like no other. I've been cooking up ideas for months...wait for it!!

A sister by any other name

2010-09-29T08:56:00.000-05:00

I don't have any sisters...well actually I do, but she's 8 and sometimes that's a little strange. But I don't have any sisters my age. I have an older brother, but that too is another post. I don't even really have a mother. Female realtionships are really lacking in my life.

What I do have is two very lovely ladies whom I just love and adore. I'm sure I never tell them that enough. One shares my name. I used to think that I could only be friends with people who have the same name as I do because I have over ten friends named Melissa...how vain is that? The other we'll call Feather, because that's what Elle calls her and I think it's adorable.

Feather lives an hour away, while Melissa lives about five hours away.

This morning I miss them both.

I've known Melissa for 13 years. Longer than my husband. We've laughed, we've cried, we've fought, we've played, we've talked and talked and talked. We've watched each others families grow and change. Sometimes we will talk everyday for a month and sometimes we won't talk for months, but when we do it’s as if no time has passed.

Feather I've known for five years...I think. She's the wisest person I know. I love spending time with her in the hopes of her goodness wearing off on me. Yet she is a bit feisty. After all she has to spend time with me too... Our kids are the exact same ages and are convinced that they are related to each other. When I spend time in her house I feel what I imagine it would feel like to be in a home I grew up in, a family home. It's familiar and comfortable. And the conversation is the best.

I think my trial lately is friendship. We moved two years ago and have endured some mega trials. I've pretty much shut out the social world in our new town which most of the time I am very grateful for, but on mornings like these. I miss my friends. I miss the ones who I've let in far enough to know me, to know how I tick, who know what makes me happy, and who know what to stay away from.

I'm not big on casual friendships, surface friends. When I am a friend I go deep. I don't make small talk and I don't have surface friends. Surface friends are very dangerous to me. I have a tendency to offend them very easily. I think it's because they don't really know my heart, my history, or my intentions. But that's ok. Don't get me wrong, it's a choice I've made and it's a much safer choice. I could tell ya some stories...scary!

I guess what I'm getting at is that I am so grateful to have found three very special people (husband included of course) who know me. Who love me. Who stretch me. Who humor me. Who crack me up. Who I know would do anything for me and have! Who teach me. Who show me the pure love of Christ, and who keep coming back for more of my insanity. I may need to take a drive soon!

I'm waiting...

2010-09-27T09:45:00.000-05:00

to see my toes again without having to bend at a 120 degree angle...

to wear jeans again....

to bend at the waist....

to tie my shoes without losing my lunch...

to sleep and not feel on fire....

to sleep and not feel like I'm drowning...

but most of all to meet our new baby brother who will be a spit up covered hairball with a smushed face!

On the bright side of madness

2010-09-25T08:58:00.000-05:00

So I think I have the tendancy to be a little negative on this here blog. It's kind of funny because when it comes to life, I am really optimistic. I always, and I mean always, focus on the happy and bright in situations, with one exception, people. I am an observer, and I just can't help but notice how ick people are. I think about it. I dwell on it. I blog about it. People facinate me. Also I've spent much time around very disappointing people...so all these things add up you know...but I'm going to try to make a change.

I started blogging in the fall of 2002. We just moved from Chicago to southern Illinois so Chris could start his Bachlors degree. Zander was a few months old. Chris made me start a web page so that our family could keep up with the growth of Zander. Over the years my blogging turned from pictures of my babies eating their first globs of rice cereal to me blabbering about what I'm thinking and so forth. I talk to my blog as if I were talking to my best friend...but maybe not quite as dramatic. I have a tendancy to talk with my hands...it can be dangerous.

The truth is I love blogging. I love writing them, and reading others blogs. I love when someone dares to comment. I comment on all of my friends blogs if I can. After all I always have something to say right?!?

Some of my friends who read this blog now, read it back then. Although my audience is small...I am so thankful for everyone who reads it. I'm not sure what it does for you, but you keep coming back so I know there is something. I know to some of you I am a pest, and that's great too. I love that as well! I AM a pest! Ask Chris, he will tell you!

But I wonder in all of this blogging have I really conveyed who I am? So in an attempt to express that I am more than just a pest, I'm going to copy a blog that I stalk and write a "list of things that make me terribly happy". You all know what irks me, so now you will get my happy list! These are just a few in no order at all...

1. fresh peaches
2. new running shoes
3. the sound of my husband's truck approaching our house
4. the smell of a tomato plant...odd but just the plant has this smell that makes me so happy.
5. my little ones eyelashes
6. silence...

Have you ever though about what your happy list is??? Wanna share?

The anatomy of an apology

2010-09-22T09:16:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had someone apologize to you and during that apology point out all the reasons that they did something wrong were because of things you've done? Is that even an apology or a justification of actions? I don't think I've had this happen since I was about 10. Well until recently, but how is that even an apology? In our family we call that a blame game. Our kids do it!

If I've done something, something that requires an apology, my heart is in a place where I don't care what the other has done. I just want forgiveness, I want out of the way I feel. There are no rationalizations, no justifications, complete humility. That's what an apology is. It's not dependent on the other person either. It's yours to give and move on. Otherwise it should be kept to yourself. I don't apologize until I'm at that point.

Another thing that bugs is when someone apologizes, even a sincere apology, and expects complete forgiveness at that moment. I don't know about you, but my heart takes time. I'm a firecracker after all. I need a moment to collect myself and feel what that person is saying. It's all good and dandy that YOU are ready to move on, but I may not be ready yet. Let it be!

I don't hold grudges. If I exit people from my life it's because I desire no further insult until I'm in a good place to accept it. We all know it WILL happen again but I can't add more insult to injury. It takes me time. I move on, forget about it, and wait until I can stand to see your face again. But if you keep coming at me with phone calls, emails, fb garbage, it just starts over and over and over again. Especially when you are not apologizing but just playing the blame game. Keep it to yourself.

Now I know that not all people work this way. Some people need to control every situation, but unfortunately emotions of another cannot be controlled by the offender. I've had a few arguments with friends over the years and have found it so funny how they HAVE to have it out right now. Trust me people, Melissa in the heat of the moment is not a pretty person to deal with. I've lived a lifetime with this special personality of mine and nobody knows how to control it better than me...let it be.

Also if there is one thing I've learned, it is time cures all. I am the queen of patience, and I really see why it's such an important skill to have. This life is about self mastery and patience. These two topics are very near and dear to my heart. I've worked so hard on self mastery, I've got a way to go for sure, but I work and chip away constantly! I'm not proud; I know I'm a pile of garbage trying to get clean. The patience part has been different. Patience comes from what happens outside not within. I am grateful for the life I've had and the many many many opportunities I've been given to learn this skill. Priceless!

I am a photographer

2010-09-20T13:38:00.000-05:00

It feels so strange calling myself that. Just like when you have your first baby and you are now a mother...it takes a while for it to sink in. Or when you get married and you are a wife...shivers...!

Sometimes Chris adds in the word professional to photographer which makes me cringe because that just sounds so official. What qualifies that...I think money. Someone who charges money for their time...professional? What about the person that only charges pennies for her time because she just loves what she does and feels guilty about charging people WAY too much money like everyone else does.

I've had a few things happen to me over the last couple weeks that have made me really analyze the type of photographer I want to be when I grow up. Did you know there are different kinds of photography...oh so many!

The trend these days is to buy a fancy camera that you don't know how to work and charge people an obscene amount of money to take ehhh shots because your fancy camera and Photoshop can make them look better than average. AND people will pay you for that...well I think. I don't do that. So I don't really know, but people who I've known that do that seem successful and all. People go to them to get the exact same shot that everyone else got for the same obscene amount of money. The same family shot in the same place with the same expressions....it makes me scream. Not because said photographer is getting paid, but because PEOPLE think that is good. It's stealing the art out of the art. I'm a puriest I suppose.

I look at photography so differently. I look at the artistic side of it not the $$$ side of it. As you can tell it offends me when the above mentioned is done. It offends the art. It's like when I trained SIX months to run a marathon and someone whom I know did the training in six weeks...the journey was in the training...not the race. It offended the art of the run. And it's stupid to boot because of the risk of injury...but that's another post.

Now I know that there is a learning curve to photography, but you either got it or you don't. As with any talent, there seems to be a natural tendency that goes with it. Photographers have an eye. They see the world differently. You can't Photoshop that in.

So that leaves me to where I am now. After all of the classes, and time I've put into this love of mine, what type of photographer do I see myself as? Not portraiture, but I do love taking pictures of people. I think I would love to take pictures for National Geographic, or plain old gallery art. Pictures that have meaning and make you feel something. Pictures that require research and travel to capture that special something that is out there and so often overlooked by the busy.

I think this takes the "photographer" title out of the equation and puts in the "artist" title. Now that one I feel better with. That one fits. No cringe, no gag, and no guilt for charging people money...artist. Someone who creates, not just records. Do photographers like that exist anymore or did they die with film and developer? I think they do.

There is this one that I adore. Even though she is a portrait photographer...man her work is so special. AND she charges for it, but SHE is worth the price. If I couldn't take pictures I'd go to her. Check out her site.... www.chubbyfoot.com. You will fall in love!

I have another friend who also does portraiture, but her gift is with newborns. Everyone has a specialty I've decided. I know what mine is, I just need to find the avenue. That's going to be tricky. I'm not interested in money; Chris makes enough for our family. As with everything else, I'm interested in self satisfaction. Setting a goal and not just reaching it, blowing it out. I'm interested in motivating others to do the same with their goals. There is something very satisfying about figuring out your gifts and making the most of them. So here I go, the hunt continues...

One last thing, from time to time I post my work on this blog...the other one, or on facebook. Thank you guys for your comments so much. The encourgement is very powerful in my life. Although it seems that a bunch of my blog viewers are silent voyers...you often get through and I am very thankful for your voice!!! Please stop being so stinkin shy!!! I love my readers!

Defenseless baby torture

2010-09-16T13:07:00.001-05:00

There is this blog I stalk that is having what she calls a "defenseless baby contest". Well I'm not sure if it is a contest or just a way to get some creativity going in her readers, but either way working on this today with Elle was so much fun! I submitted the one below, but I liked the mermaidesque one too so I put it up here.

Could not have been a better afternoon for us...well except everytime I had to bend down to fix something in the shot my lunch nearly followed. I swear I am almost able to cough this baby out, not to mention the dish of funeral potatoes I've eaten. Anyway check out her blog! It's really funny and the girl is so creative! Team Boo

Now I don't know if one of my pictures will get picked to even be shown on the blog...I'm a little insecure around the creative you see...but hers are worth looking at...soo funny!

***UPDATE*** I did make it on the blog!!! Yay me!

Mute me

2010-09-16T11:36:00.000-05:00

So lately I've had a big mouth. I'm not sure why, but my filter is missing. I have two states of being...loud and opinionated, or mute. They are both me. I prefer mute, because when I do speak my mind it causes a snowball affect with others and I get louder and more mean. So mute is my method of choice.
It may be the hormones, but mute me has been killed by opinionated me. Don't get me wrong the opinonated me is still there, but she is being smothered by a pillow that mute me is holding...
I've decided that if I'm going to live in this world, mute me needs to be more present. I've been teaching Zander about tolerance lately. His little sister...the one with the blue eyes...has been driving him crazy. It's gotten to the point where he is so annoyed with her that when she says ANYTHING to him, he is rude to her. It breaks my heart. Now don't get me wrong, she is a stinker to him 99 percent of the time as well, but there's that one percent that I wish he would put light on in hopes to encourage more of that desired behavior...So what does that have to do with me?

Well I think that my problem is that I have zero tolerance for people in this world. None. Zip! It's so bad that I either lash out or force myself to be mute. Why can't I just let it roll like I tell Zander to do with his sister. Maybe I havent been around enough good people. Maybe I can't recognize the good in people because I'm not used to seeing it. Is this why older people are always so quite?? They've seen it all before and know that people are people and choose not to play the game....Hmmm!
Anyone else have a similar problem?

Ewwww

2010-09-10T12:50:00.000-05:00

So I am nearly 37 weeks pregnant and I know that I will one day wish I had this picture, but today...blech. I miss my skinny arms and flat tummy. I've only gained 22 pounds, but man I feel like a chubs. People say pregnant women are beautiful, but I think people lie. There is not much beautiful about this, but I do appreciate the photography. After all I took this picture all by myself...it turned out pretty good. If only my dear Sara would fly here and take some pictures of me...mehem!!! The good part is that in a few short weeks my little hairball will be here and I will be able to bend at the waist again...all good things!

this guy

2010-09-07T10:35:00.001-05:00

I just realized that Chris is never really shown on the blog. Some of you may doubt his existance really.

He has this cousin named Billy that I am positive does not exist. In 12 years of knowing Chris and his family, I have never met this childhood buddy named Billy. I often see pictures, I've heard stories, but have never met him. So maybe to many of you, Chris is my mystery Billy.

But let me assure you he does in fact exist. The baby in my belly proves that to some extent I guess. Like most husbands this one works hard. Most often you will find me alone with my three baby ducks while Chris is doing whatever it is that he does.

I have to say even though his presence is scarce to those living in the world outside of our house, he is real. Real amazing, real funny, real kind, real great with his kids, real sweet to me. So if you by chance catch him on the outside, don't stare, it's really him.

You're just jealous!

2010-09-06T09:23:00.000-05:00

Has anyone ever said this to you about anything? Until today I don't think anyone has ever said this to me. And if I do say so it just bugged me to death. Envy is not an emotion I feel very often or if at all really. There are plenty of other bad emotions I feel, but envy...not so much. Let me tell you how it went down and why.

I have this friend who recently went through weight loss surgery. She's lost over a hundred pounds and looks so great. She ALWAYS looked beautiful to me and is a beautiful person to boot. I'm so proud of the change she's made and of her for improving her life.

Well another friend and I were talking about this dramatic change in our now skinny friend, how she looks amazing, how she doesnt have all of that extra skin hanging, and how she didn't lose her boobs from the weight loss. While we were discussing this, she was talking to a very lovely older lady in the ward who overheard us going into how impressed we were with our friend and turned to us and stated, "you're just jealous". That comment brought such irritation in me that I cannot even describe. So I took a mental check....am I jealous of my hottie friend??

Jealously was not the source of my irritation. Once again it was inderestimation that got me. About six years ago I was overweight. I was always a little soft, but marriage and the birth of Zander and Mia both added up and I was just plain ol chunky. When Mia was a few months old I decided that enough was enough and the pain of losing weight was much less than the pain of being fat, so I was ripe for change. Over the course of three months I lost fifty pounds. All I did was cut all of my portions in half and I started running for an hour a day. I ate nothing but clean food and really focused on getting that weight off. I went from a size 16 to a size 6. I've kept the weight off for six years and two babies. My life was completely changed because of that. I learned that I can do anything.

A few readers of this blog watched that change, but I realize that most people who know me now know nothing of that. I can honestly say that right now...everyday I find myself more attractive than I have ever been in my life. My self confidence in that area has never been lacking since I lost the weight...it is often the other way. I've worked so hard on my physical self that I am so proud of where I came from and where I am. I can honestly say that I NEVER look at another woman and wish I was like her, or jealous of what she is. And if by chance I see something in myself that I don't like or want to change...well...I do it! What an amazing concept. Why be jealous, be motivated.

So I will say this to my well meaning older lady friend in the ward who probably didn't mean ANYHING by her comment...no, I'm not jealous! I'm happy for my friend. I know the road of weight loss is hard, I've done it, and I continue to. I know the joy of setting goals and reaching them. I know the blessings of self-control, I've tested them and proved them. I know you were being funny, but I didn't laugh. This has also taught me a lesson of knowing my audience a little better before I make seemingly light-hearted comments...

My Mia

2010-08-25T12:54:00.002-05:00

She is the one that looks most like me and I just think she's so stinkin cute. I'm hoping that baby boy has her features, especially the hair and eyes. I'm sure he will be a Chris clone like the other two, but here's to wishing...six more weeks until we meet the little critter.

I took this picture of Mia on her first day of school and it is simply perfection. It's not just about elements of a photo, but capturing the subject in an honest way...here is Mia in every sense...love it.

For her homework last night she had to interview me on the story of her name. Mia means mine in Spanish, and in every sense of the word she is ME and MINE!

Just me and my baby(ies)

2010-08-21T08:39:00.000-05:00

So after much back and forth and pain and conversation, the kids both decided to go back to public school....grrr! Mia was pretty sure from the beginning that she was going back. We already knew who her teacher was and that made it all better. She has the same teacher Zander did for first grade and we LOVED her so much. You could not ask for a better teacher.

Then there's Zander...oh how we struggled with this decision. Everyone told me that it gets serious in third grade and I feared that they would be right and I would have yanked him too soon. So we decided to give it a few months and if its the same ol same ol we would do home school. I need to know we did everything and have no regrets. After all, there are positives that public school offers that I can't....a few, but they are big ones. We'll see how it goes and decide in January if there needs to be a change with him.

Zander's new teacher is also amazing. I am so impressed with her. She graduated from Vanderbilt and got her masters at Harvard. She specializes in Gifted and Talented kids. She plays the guitar to the kids and she believes in letting kids move around. All of the teachers at the school were trying so hard to get THEIR own kids in her class this year. And there are so many kids Zander adores in his class this year. So this leaves me hopeful. We will see!

But what about me??? WHAT ON EARTH WILL I DO EVERYDAY? Homeschool took up at least five hours of my day everyday this summer...On Monday it will be just Elle...and me...and my growing belly....and a very clean house...I can't run....or go to the gym....it's too hot to garden....any suggestions here would be great! Luckily I will get baby boy in a few weeks to keep me busy, but as any mother knows, babies are easy. They sleep and look cute, they get hard at about two for us. UGH! THEN Elle will be going to Kinder soon....I'm having a moment here...hold on....

I have a few things on my project list before baby boy comes, I have to make some curtains, paint some bedrooms...I really want to put fresh flowers in pots all around our house...But seriously without three kids on my hip this will take a few days....any suggestions here? Chris may tell me to get a job...haha!

A Post for the Grandparents

2010-07-30T18:41:00.002-05:00

So I believe there is a very fine line between bragging and blogging. Let me underline this post for you all. This post is bragging...at least if I say it I won't feel guilty. But in all reality, this post if for the grandparents. Zander had a great season of summer swim and this post has been sitting in my draft box for over a month. After relentless asking by the family to show his awards...here it is. To keep it interesting, I'll try to interject some of the in's and out's of summer swim league...OR if this post makes you barf a little in your mouth...click the red X on top right corner of the screen....ok here we go.

Two summers ago we put Zander into summer swim league. It is huge here in Houston, especially in our town. He always had a desire to be in the water. He loved the pool from birth...no really, I have stories. When he was less than a year old, he and I took a mommy and me swimming class, the kid was all over the place. Anyway another reason we wanted to put him in a sport was to help Zander learn how it felt to not be the best. This sounds silly, but as far as school goes, Zander is always the best. His head was a little inflated so we thought swim would be a good way to help him learn how to lose...well...um...

Last summer he did fine. He held his own. He pretty much fell at the middle of the pack. By the end of the season he had shown huge improvements though, but by no means was he the best. It was a great summer. We considered putting him in year round swimming at that point but held back. Mom wasn't ready for that commitment. So the year came and went and the start of another summer season was on us. We of course put him in again, as if we had a choice. He set some goals at the end of last season for this summer and he wanted to meet those goals.

He swims on the Boys 7-8 team. At a normal meet he will swim against about 35 boys. This season Zander constantly held his own finishing in the top five most of the time. He swims against/with boys who swim year round. A few times he won races against the year rounders. This kid has my spirit for sure. Also a side note, he is the smallest boy on the team. This is not an advantage in swimming. The longer you are, the longer your reach, the faster you get to the end.

At the end of the season we have divisionals. It's where all of the teams in our division compete against each other. Lots and lots of boys to swim against. This year Zander earned the this medal:

This medal was his very first one and the most exciting thing ever. He came in fifth place out of over 65 boys while swimming Butterfly...fly is the hardest stinkin stroke. Boys have a harder time than girls because of what I call the wiggle. He came in fifth and qualified for a special invitational based on his time. The top eight finishers got a medal and the color of the ribbon denotes their place. During the same divisional meet he received 8th place in breast stroke. The second hardest stroke. The other medal he got was for qualifying for the invitational.These light blue ribbons are for time improvements. Until the last few meets, he cut time every meet he swam. This is the goal in swimming. You compete against yourself to beat your old time. He did an amazing job this summer and in some strokes had times right up with the best swimmers in his age.

This trophy he was awarded at the end of the season banquet. In every age group and gender there are only three extra awards given out to the kids. Most improved, highest point earner, and coaches choice. Zander got coaches choice. Constantly throughout the season the coaches would tell me how teachable he is (this I already knew and loved about the kid). But this is such a compliment to me as a mom. He was focused and ready to learn and he was rewarded for that. I cried when he got this one....because I'm pregnant and I always cry....pregnant or not really...its kinda lame.

So these were his physical accomplishments of this summer league season. The things we learned about Zander and his inner self were much larger. I think it's funny how our intention to help him learn how to lose is not really working out for us. Not coming in first for everything really set a fire under him and I can't wait to see where he will be after a year of swimming everyday...

The Great and Spacious Building

2010-07-29T21:30:00.001-05:00

So I think I've had a breakthrough.

I think it's so funny how in this world, right now, what was once seen as horrible and unimaginable are now the popular and trendy. On the other side of it, what was once seen as ideal, is old fashioned and dull. How did this happen? Who is the author of such a change?

Today I was personally attacked for having values and being traditional. Really...people, people, you have to know that it would take more than that to get to me. A few things could be said to get me (the same ones that bugged me in Kindergarten), but proving my points...not so much.

So what was the breakthrough? Well I didn't lash back. You see, I am blessed and cursed with "having a way with words". Not only this, but I know people. I know them so well. When I talk to someone I can literally see into them. I know exactly what I can say that they either need to hear, or what can break them up. It's an odd blessing I know, but it is very real. It's a blessing when I use it for good, it's a curse when I use it for harm. And today, I am happy to say that it was not used for harm. It was kept in check, tucked away.

But the attack, the attack was comical and it reminded me of one of my favorite scripture stories.

It's found here: http://scriptures.lds.org/1_ne/8

If you keep reading, the symbolism is explained.

The world we now live in is the Great and Spacious building. They laugh at the righteous, they put our values down, they mock tradition. They tell us that the easier more selfish road is the better way. They try to get us to give up our fight. It almost seems as if our failure in our values and traditions would give them pleasure. Maybe so their weakness needs less attention. I'm not sure.

I'll give you an example, every time I go over to my families house, someone offers me a beer. Well we don't drink. We have been warned against the dangers of it by our church leaders and we can choose for ourselves to do it or not. Chris and I have chosen not to. But inevitability the same few members of our family offer us a beer...every time we see them. So one day I asked them why they do this; they know that we don't drink because of religious reasons. They said, "Well you never know when you'll change your mind". They are waiting for our failure. My brother even once told me that one day I would see that abstaining from alcohol and drugs is a mistake and he will be there to tell me that he told me so, and buy me a beer. CRAZY!

Now I never put others down for their life choices. NEVER. I accept everyone's choices as long as they don't interfere with my children and their safety. I never force my traditions and values down anyone's throat. I stand tall as an example of what I believe and if that is hard for someone, I don't force my presence on them. They can choose me or not. I don't tell others that I believe their lifestyles are wrong, or evil, or sinful. I really could care less about others lifestyles. I wish others would grant me the same luxury.

I am friends with so many people who don't hold my values, and I love them all. I understand them. I've been friends with some of them for most of my life. I love them, I pick them up when they fall, i listen to them, I celebrate with them, and I wait for the day, if ever, to share what I know to be true. But if that day never comes...well I'm here, I'm standing tall.

All I know is that my traditions and values are the last thing that should be mocked in this world. This world is so full of corruption that it is hilarious that people choose to harp on me for being a stay at home mom, in a happy marriage, childbearing, and loving the role of womanhood that I was blessed with at birth. Christian values are on the way out in this world. It's hard to be a Christian. It requires self control and self discipline. The rewards are not seen until many many years. It's too hard...blah blah blah. I also know that what is popular is seldom what is ever the right choice. If I'm ever faced with a challenge, I often ask myself what would the world do...and do the opposite. To me mainstream is dangerous. I'm trying to attain a greater goal.

At the end of their life I promise you that they will never say, "I wish I spent more time grooming my dog, I wish I spent more time acquiring things, I wish I spent more time alone, I wish I spent more time at the tanning salon, I wish I spent more time drunk." I assure you they will not say those things. The things that will be missing from their lives are the very things I am being attacked for doing. The very things I hold dearer than all else. But I know this already, I know how precious what I have is and that's why I choose it. It will last forever. I've been promised that.

The big one oh

2010-07-23T12:01:00.001-05:00

I was at the gym yesterday and I heard this song and I thought it pretty much sums up my feelings after 10 years of marriage. I was lucky enough to find my best friend and we are dedicated enough to work on this marriage and make it happen to the fullest. The best ten years of my life with the best man I could have ever hoped for. For so many reasons...and they all thought we wouldn't last one...

Happy Anniversary Chris

We still have a few days until its our anniversary, but I had time and energy to blog...lol!

"Thankful"

You know my soul

you know everything about me there's to know

you know my heart

how to make me stop & how to make me go

you should know i love everything

about you don't you know

that i'm thankful

for the blessing

and the lessons that i've learned w/you

by my side

that i'm thankful so thankful for the love

that you keep bringing in my life

in my life

Thankful so thankful

You know my thoughts

before i open up my mouth & try to speak

you know my dreams

must be listening when i'm talking in my sleep

i hope you know

i love having you around me don't you know

that i'm thankful for the blessing

and the lessons that i've learned w/you

by my side

that i'm thankful so thankful for the love

that you keep bringing in my life in my life

Don't you know that i'm thankful for the moment

when i'm down you always know how to make me smile

thankful for the joy that your bringing in my life

for the lessons that i've learned

for the trouble i've known

for the heartache & pain

that you've thrown my way

when i didn't think i could go on

but you made me feel strong

with you I am never alone

thankful so thankful

thankful for the blessing

and the lessons that i've learned w/you

by my side

that i'm thankful so thankful for the love

that you keep bringing in my life in my life

thankful so thankful

when i'm down you always know how to make me smile

thankful for the joy that your bringing in my life

thankful so thankful

Seems like forever ago...

2010-07-23T09:37:00.000-05:00

that I was training for the marathon. Unless you've done it, I can't explain how special of an experience it is. The journey was truely in the four months of training. I've known people who have skipped out on parts of the training and I know that the experience could not have been the same.

You learn so much about yourself during that time. It takes time for habits to stick and goals to be realized. Skipping any part of that is not only physically dangerous, but just not catching vision of what it is all about. In fact, when it came time to run the actual 26.2 miles, I had already grown and learned AND run so much that it seemed unnecessary to do the actual race.

The joy was in the journey. I didn't need bragging rights or a T-shirt. I had already beat it and myself. But of course I still ran it and it was one of the five best days of my life...seriously.

About 8 months ago i made the goal of trying to qualify for Boston, but then and you all know...we got knocked up...sooo. I had to put that plan back on the list. It really broke my heart, but that could in no way compete with the joy of expecting our fourth child...so here I am.

Inevitably near the end of every pregnancy every woman makes the resolve to get in shape after the baby is born. Its funny how when you can't really work out it's all you want to do. I can no longer run, and it's ALL I long to do. I had to stop about a month ago due to the constant need to urinate during runs. But I've been walking about three miles a day. I can see although that the walking will soon end too since I basically have one long contraction the entire time. Probably not good.

So where does this leave me...SAD! So so sad. I never thought I'd be that girl, but man that marathon changed me so much. I won't be able to run a full marathon this January, I just won't have time after the baby is born. I've decided to run the Houston's half marathon. IF I get picked in the lottery. They changed it to a lottery system due to the massive enrollment of the race last year. It's supposed to be a great course. If all goes well with that I want to try to run the full marathon in Dallas this March.

Now after the last one I did promise Chris that I wouldn't run another full...but we both knew that was just soreness talking. After all I couldnt walk right for a week. That just can't be healthy. But a girl has goals you know.

I have a friend that ran two marathons just to prove to herself that the first one wasnt a fluke...I love that. As if running 26.2 miles could be a fluke....but I really would like to try it again and cut some time. It felt so good to be involved in something bigger than myself. When you are training for something like that you learn so much about self dicipline...a topic I love. You get in amazing shape and learn so much about your body. If you've ever thought about it, I strongly encourage you to do it. You will be changed forever.

Zander's Baptism

2010-07-23T09:08:00.001-05:00

We've been so busy this summer that I havent put up many pictures. We had the wonderful opportunity to participate in Zanders baptism. We're very proud of him. AND I'm pretty sure I'm still in love with the kid...yikes! He's stinkin cute! I can't believe that in two years Mia will be getting baptized.

He is so excited about the gospel....AND he gets to go to Cub Scouts now too. We will have an Eagle Scout! I love watching our kids do things we didn't have the opportunity to do. They are so lucky...I just hope that one day they realze that.

I could just eat the kid alive! It's really not healthy....

I wanted to

2010-07-21T09:51:00.000-05:00

update my blog last night, but I fell asleep on the couch instead.........

Needed vacation from our vacation

2010-07-06T14:13:00.000-05:00

What a interesting week we've had. Not that our lives are horribly busy to begin with, but all of the running around Chicago has caused much of this:

AND SOME MORE OF THIS:

We'll be back soon enough.

The Classical Method

2010-06-17T16:00:00.000-05:00

There are a few approaches you can take to home schooling.
Charlotte Mason education
Classical education
Montessori method
Theory of multiple intelligences
Unschooling
Waldorf education
A Thomas Jefferson Education

the kids working on spelling (15-20 mins. everyday)

It's a personal choice. For me, I considered the way each child in my home learns, what I want them to learn, my memory of how I was schooled growing up was, how much time I wanted to spend, and the basic desired outcome of this beast called home school. The method of choice for us was what is called The Classical Method. It focuses on teaching the trivium. It breaks up the different ages into groups of learning and how each age group learns.

Grammar Grades 1-4

Grammar consists of language skills such as reading and the mechanics of writing. An important goal of grammar is to acquire as many words and manage as many concepts as possible so as to be able to express and understand clearly concepts of varying degrees of complexity. Very young students can learn these by rote especially through the use of chant and song. Their minds are often referred to as "sponges", that easily absorb a large number of facts. Classical education traditionally included study of Latin and Greek, which greatly reinforced understanding of grammar, and the workings of a language, and so that students could read the Classics of Western Civilization in the words of the authors.

Logic 5th-8th grade

Logic is the art of correct reasoning. The traditional text for teaching logic was Aristotle's Logic. In the modern renaissance of classical education, this logic stage (or dialectic stage) refers to the junior high or middle school aged student, who developmentally is beginning to question ideas and authority, and truly enjoys a debate or an argument. Training in logic, both formal and informal, enables students to critically examine arguments and to analyze their own. The whole goal is to find out why something is true, or why something else is false, in short, reasons for a fact.

Rhetoric 9th-12th grade

Rhetoric debate and composition (which is the written form of rhetoric) are taught to somewhat older (often high school aged) students, who by this point in their education have the concepts and logic to criticize their own work and persuade others. According to Aristotle "Rhetoric is the counterpart of dialectic." It is concerned with finding "all the available means of persuasion." The student now learns to persuade others with these facts, and succeed in the persuasion. The student has learned to reason correctly in the Logic stage so that they can now apply those skills to Rhetoric.

Zander learning about diffusion Chemistry (1 hour twice a week)

So basically the way you teach you child changes depending the age they are. At different ages, we have different abilities. As I read about the Trivium, I remembered my youth and how I saw the world at different times. I also looked at kids around me and noticed that this is dead on. Why wouldn't we teach them in an approach that they see the world with?

Classical Education is language intensive-not image-focused.

It demands that students use and understand words, not video images.

It is history-intensive, providing students with a comprehensive view of human behavior form the beginning until now.

It trains the mind to analyze and draw conclusions.

It demands self-discipline.

It produces literate, curious, intelligent students who have a wide rante of interests and the ability to follow up on them.

learning about the use of early irrigation systems used by the first "civilized" Nomads

(history 1 hour 3 days a week)

I strongly recommend this book if you are interested in learning more. This method just makes sense to me.

I will go deeper into each subject, this was a basic overview of the method we are using. There is so much more I tell you. I have learned so much just by teaching them. They love it and beg for more.

My favorite quote so far was from Zander after we finished school and I needed to get a start on dinner n stuff, "mom I don't want to watch tv with Elle, I want more HISTORY!!!" The kids are nuts I tell you. My suspicion was so right, they just want more and more and more. Homeschooling is the way I can fill them up to their potential and feel good about it all.

Home School Week #1 Thoughts

2010-06-12T17:46:00.000-05:00

So I've been really quiet this week because we've been so busy trying to figure this home school thing out.

I never would have imagined that homeschooling the kids would have brought out such a positive reaction in our whole family. I thought that the main benefit of it would be a better education for our children, but after only a week, I cannot really say much about that yet. The difference I did see was an enormous increase in family unity.

We spend four hours a day together learning, sharing, reading, and just plain old being right on top of each other. I worried that this would bring out the worst in them, but it was the opposite. Their patience with each other grew leaps and bounds. My patience with them grew. They helped each other, read to each other, taught each other. My house has never been in such order. In a weeks time my family changed in enormous ways. I see why people do this. The only thing I can compare it to is my conversion. I'm dead serious. My eyes have been opened to this and I cannot deny that this is a better way for families.

Having said that, I also can see exactly why people would NEVER do it. Why some people could never do it. I spend an hour a night getting ready for the next day, then four hours on stage with the kids. You have to be so organized that if you were not, you would drown. You have to MAKE yourself do something that your natural self very easily talks you out of. It is completely selfless, and in my experience, the selfish has a very hard time with selflessness. I'm very selfish, not so much towards my kids, but my time, my space, me.

I thought it was impossible for my kids to love me more, or show more love towards me, but after this week they are attached to me. No kidding, they are mush in my hands. I have gone a whole week without contention...no "mom you are so mean" no real sass, and since I am with them all day, in their presence doing things with them, I am able to follow up on all discipline right on point so they are seeing that we are in this together and have stopped being naughty. They play together more, I break up fewer fights. It's insane. I can not explain it. I just know that something like this has to be good.

So for the learning. I took a million of pictures of us doing it. All of it. I plan on posting a subject by subject post so you can see how insanely easy it is. The curriculum I bought is amazing, easy and action packed for them. They are loving it. Here's a overview of our week:

Mia read 23 books in four days, learned about common nouns, worked double digit addition, studied the human body and the cell, she memorized a 42 word poem and recited it to others, we memorized two scripture mastery scriptures, studied the Nomads, made cave paintings, plus much more...she's five.

Zander read three chapter books one of which was a classic, reviewed basic grammar (since I don't really know where he is we have more figuring out work to do), we did two chemistry projects, memorized more multiplication facts, learned about pourquoi's and read two, he passed off his Bobcat in scouts, read 10 chapters of the Book of Mormon, did an archeological dig in our sandbox, and much more...he's 8.

We did this in four days. On Friday we went to the library and checked out books for next week. We went to the pool for at least two hours everyday when we were done with school. We picked blueberries at a blueberry farm. They played with old friends, made new friends and Mia is on the cusp of a wicked freestyle stroke...LOL.

I know we will have our ups and downs, but as we stand now...Home school: 1, public school: 0..

Talking the talk and walking the walk...finally.

2010-06-01T09:21:00.000-05:00

After much reasoning and thought, we've decided that we are going to give home school a try. I've gone back and forth on this decision since the summer before Zander went into Kindergarten. In fact the day I found out that I was pregnant with Zander I turned to Chris and said, "we ARE home schooling".

We've always managed to talk ourselves out of it for one reason or another. In Kinder it was, "well the social aspect will be good for him"...we were wrong there. In first grade we thought, "it will be more challenging to him and he won't be so bored this year", we were wrong. In second grade he decided that he wanted to go back because he watched Mia getting ready for Kinder and I think he got a little jealous. But as with every year a few months in, the kid was done.

When we first made the decision that we wanted to home school Zander (in utero) it was purely for social reasons. I still had a very bad taste of public school in my mouth. Years of memories guided that decision. But then as I became more educated on the topic and got to know Zander the reason changed. It became completely for educational reasons. Not one bit of why I want to home school my kids has anything to do with social challenges I've seen them have or not have....not yet anyway...I'm sure middle school will provide enough of that.

Having experienced four years of public school and how my children are being taught, I can only say that it seems that public school celebrates mediocrity. That word is perfect...here's a definition for you in case that word slipped by you...

--The quality of being intermediate between two extremes; a mean; A middle course of action; moderation, balance; The condition of being mediocre; having only an average degree of quality, skills etc.; no better than standard; An individual with mediocre abilities or achievements--

I believe that for many kids, this is a fine standard. They teach for the middle students. But what about the ones that are behind or accelerated? What happens to them? Well I'll tell you.

I was always a little behind in certain subjects. I fell through the cracks. Nobody ever noticed that I was missing things; they just made sure that I was up to bare minimum enough to pass. Was this helpful to my education...no. In an ideal world my parents would have caught this and stepped in...well that did not happen and I continued to sink all the way through high school.

On the other side was Chris. He skipped third grade. He graduated high school at 16. He was in honors and advanced classes. He got his bachelors degree in three years while working full time and fully supporting a stay at home mom and two babies. He graduated magna cum laude, and then went on to graduate school. The punk is smart. He describes his education as boring, unchallenging. The schools can only do so much to keep these advanced kids engaged. His parents could have stepped in and offered him more when he got home, but seriously MORE...school is 8 hours long plus a few hours of homework...then mom is supposed to supplement MORE to actually stretch and enrich them??

MORE???

Zander and Mia seem to be following in the abilities of their father. They are both very advanced and find school unproductive. We have them both in the GT programs offered at the schools, but really...not impressed with what that has produced. They come home begging for more. They call it home school. We sit sometimes for hours working on math and reading. We learn about history, and our state. They beg me for more and more and more. When I got home from school at their age I just wanted to veg out. Why are their needs not being filled at school? Why am I teaching my son how to do multiplication at 6 because he's ready, but his classmates are not so he sits and does endless addition sheets to keep busy...

Let me be clear about one thing-I don't think my kids are anything above what other kids are. I think they have had advantages that other kids don't have. I've noticed that other kids in the same situations as we are are just as bright as mine. It's opportunity that shaped them. That is a whole different post, and I'll just leave it there.

So I ask myself, why am I putting them in school for 8 hours a day if when they come home they are begging for learning? Zander knew how to read at three. He was doing the math that his second grade class is doing now when he was five. Same story with Mia. She tends to follow more of the creative side. She was dictating stories to me at the age of three. Amazing stories and drawings.

So here we are at the end of another school year where I am full of regret that all this time has been wasted and my children have learned more from me at home then all year in school...seriously. How can I as a mother refuse to teach my children when they beg for more because I don't want them to be bored in school? You try looking at a child thirsting for knowledge and saying no...you won't be able to do it either. It goes against every maternal instinct. We are here to teach them in everything. A mother's teaching doesn’t end when the child turns five.

Like any normal person, a major reason that we have not done it yet is I am afraid that I will ruin those kids. I'm afraid that I will not do it, slack off, veg out. I'm afraid that Mia and I will kill each other. Or Mia will kill Elle...those two are fun, let me tell you. I'm afraid that having a new baby will make it impossible to have that teaching time. I'm afraid that my kids will bug me to death. I'm afraid that I will forget something and they will be behind. I'm afraid that being home with oddball me will make them weird. I'm afraid of the expense. I'm afraid of so much that I've always been able to talk myself into sending them one more year. But then at the end of the year the fear turns to regret...and here I sit.

So this year we decided that we are going to give it a try over the summer for a few reasons. First, the extra "work" will keep them engaged and busy and not killing each other. Second, to see if I can actually do it. Third, to see if they actually learn anything. At the end of the summer, it will be their choice about whether or not to go back to school, if I was successful on my end of course. I'm assuming that I will do fine, because I've never had a hard time setting goals and accomplishing them. Realizing that fear was stopping me was very empowering also...fear is weak...i'm done with it.

I've spent the last six months researching home school methods, acquiring curriculum, gathering ideas and supplies, making a schedule, talking to everyone I know who does it. I'm so excited to put it all into action. I have so many fun things planned for them that I really believe that public school doesn't have a chance...but we will see. Both kids are going to be put in year round swim which means one hour of swim team practice a day for their health portion. Also we have some co-ops to supplement if I see a need in the kids. They offer more kids and extra enrichment.

So my question is...have you ever considered it? I've met so many moms that I admire who say that they would love to home school, but the list of fears are winning. I'll be the guinea pig then. We're going to give it our best so then if it doesn’t work for us I will know that I did EVERYTHING I could do. That realization offers so much peace.

Would you like to see what we are doing and how simple it is? OR are you so against everything I've said that you'd stop reading my blog...LOL! I love ladies with strong opinions! Tell me what you think! I know you're there.....mwahahahahaha!

All Is Well in the Womb

2010-05-27T12:26:00.000-05:00

Today I had my "big" ultrasound". For weeks I've been so worried that baby boy was just not right. I play the odds people. I know so many pregnant women with healthy baby's growing in them that I figured that we were the ones. I am a worrier to say the least. I run scenario after scenario. I think it's to make myself feel better and to stop worrying.

With each scenario I inevitably come to the conclusion that all will be well. It always has been and it always will be. Even with the worst possible outcome. I know it will be just fine and for our growth. So I run scenarios as ways to give myself an out...a pep talk. I get to work it out in my head and calm myself down. It's my control, that and cleaning.

Having said that, baby boy is just fine. He's beautifully skeletal, well developed, and just as cute as a Krantz could be. He is in fact still a boy...thank heavens! I love my boys to death around here. How exciting to get another one.

With this ultrasound out of the way, now I proceed to worrying about the birth. It never ends...scenario after scenario will be run. I will plan and prepare for every outcome...I'm just nuts.

On a fun note, I for some reason, have been telling everyone that I'm due October 9th, but I am actually due October 4th. Trust me that five days is very important at the end of a long hot summer pregnancy. That's five days sooner that I will get to meet my new love.

Also, we do have a name picked out. We have for about a month now. But for a few reasons we are not telling.

1. Man its fun to have a secret.

2. Its rather unusual and I really don't want to make anyone have to lie and tell me that they like it if they don't.

3. We don't really care if other people like it, because we are in LOVE with the name.

4. It’s just another piece of fake chit chat that I can escape from. I hate small talk.

Wow what a pain in the butt we/I are/am. But there you have it. A healthy baby boy without any "structural defects" is on the way. A news update from me to you!

Why do people hate their kids?

2010-05-21T09:16:00.002-05:00

There is this new phenomenon going around. Maybe it's not new; maybe I'm just now noticing it. People hate their kids. Maybe not hate, but I assure you; the way people talk about their kids...yeah I'm going to say hate.

The other day we had some friends over for a snack. The wife is a 2nd grade teacher. We were talking about our summer plans and I said that I cannot wait until summer is here and my kids are home everyday. Both husband and wife began to laugh. They thought I was joking. So in true Melissa fashion, I said...what's so funny. They thought I was being sarcastic. But I wasn't. I really really wasn't. They didn't believe me and they thought I was just messing with them. I proceeded to explain that I was in fact being serious and they said that they never hear parents say that when on the cusp of summer break.

It seems that right before school lets out this is what you hear: mom’s complaining about the LOOOOONG summer with kid’s home and how it will annoy them, or I hear positive remarks about losing the schedule, but it's not for the kids, it's positive for the moms. So my question is, why do we hate our kids when they are a mirror of ourselves and our parenting? Does that mean that we hate ourselves? Do we find ourselves annoying? I certainly for one do find MOST people very annoying...but that's another topic altogether.

If we see a flaw in our kids that annoys to no end, isn't that just a call to duty. I get excited when I see that something I've been doing, in the way of parenting, is wrong and causing bad habits. Why do I get excited, well it's a challenge...a goal. An opportunity to research and study and put new practices into action that will make my kids better offspring, better siblings, better friends, better examples. It's an experience that I can grow from and learn from. I can share and be a help to my other friends that may be dealing with the same thing.

I don't sit and complain about how a certain behavior is driving me nuts (unless I'm seeking advice that is). I CHANGE the behavior. I don't want to hate my kids. I had kids so I can have best friends. Lots of them. I have the opportunity to raise my best friends. What an amazing gift that is. Why miss the opportunity to shape them into righteous caring people that I want to be around? If their behavior is annoying....well...CHANGE yourself and change them. It's really exciting if you think about it. You have the power to CHANGE anything in your life that is bothering you ANYTHING...well other than genetics, but man you can have a huge influence over those things too.

Sometimes change comes as quick as a new idea. Most of the time change takes months...or years. We created a little monster in Mia. It has taken us years to undo the bad parenting we put into action with her. Three years of bad parenting, giving in, hushing up, has equaled three years of many tears and hard work undoing the mess we made. We see progress, but we are still in the depths of this really hard change. Is it worth the fight? Absolutely! We see little breakthroughs and it removes pounds of heartache we've felt with her. It's worth it now when she's little to save some pain when she is a teenager. It would be easy to just say "oh that's just Mia", but NO her bad behavior is our fault, our mistakes. If I was to find her annoying, or we didn't want her to be around, what message would I be sending to her? Not good! Unfortunately that is what I seem to be surrounded by in this world.

Our current generation that everyone is complaining about is the way they are because of the mistakes of their parents. I don't want to be included in that list. I will not sit and wallow in the mess I helped create. I will not! I will do everything I can do to fix my mistakes, and trust me there are many. But I think if we look at those mistakes with a different perspective, a different hope, we will have a different outcome than others.

So do me a favor, please don't sit around and complain to your friends this summer about how annoying your kids are. Don't get annoyed. Use this summer as an opportunity to spend one on one time with them to see what they need and what you can do to make them the type of people you would want to be around. And finally, FOR HEAVENS SAKE....play with your kids, teach your kids, paint with them, eat with them, create with them, clean with them, talk with them, and pray with them. You will learn so much about what they need from you, and I promise they will be much less annoying.

Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it. ~Haim Ginot

It's that time of year again

2010-05-19T08:47:00.001-05:00

Swim season is in full swing here in Kingwood. I could not be happier. We had team photos last night, but in true Melissa fashion I could not pay for over priced single pose pictures. We wandered around and took our own. While editing these this morning I've decided that I could not be more in love with Zander. Seriously this is a problem. That boy has stolen my heart and I pray to heaven that I like his future wife...even though we know she will not be as sweet to him as his mama.

Zander has become quite the little swimmer. For a kid that has never had one swim lesson in his life, he is really holding his own on the team. He has amazing heart when it comes to this sport and I hope it will carry him through the tough times he will inevitably encounter.

His favorite stroke is Breast stroke. Last week he qualified to take part in an extra summer tournement. I was so proud of him because this was one of his goals this year. It was a great moment to see him realize that goal. I see a lot of myself in that drive. If he's anything like mama, his goals are very high and he will do EVERYTHING possible to get them done. We are some stubborn people over here.

But then there's this...oh the expression. This is Zander, and he had me at hello...LOL!

I really better like his future wife...I'm worried!

My Independent Thinkers...the females

2010-05-05T11:07:00.000-05:00

Sometimes my girls are hard. I complain that they have such strong personalities, but in all reality, they are great girls. They are grounded and are not caught up in the garbage of this world. Chris and I have tried really hard to keep them from all things really commercial. I've never been the type of mom who dresses them like dolls. I want them to have fun not worry about getting dirty. I want them to get dirty. I want them to learn about their world and not be afraid of sticky hands.

Did I care? No! Did I let her go out like this...of course!

Having said that (my new favorite phrase for so many reasons), I get so irritated by the little divas this world seems to be producing. Or maybe it's the parents producing it...either way...chicken or the egg.

In my experience, little divas grow up to be big divas. Big divas have a hard life. Nothing is ever good enough for them, their bodies, their homes, their husbands.

So why are we teaching our girls to never be satisfied, to be obsessed with their looks, and not be good friends...hmmm. Is it so mom can feel satisfied that her daughter is dressed better than her friends so that makes mom feel like she's a better mom...I don't know really. I don't buy into that. My proof is in the pudding. Its how she behaves for others, how she shares, how she learns, how she respects adults. To me this is way more important than a big bow in her hair.

I don't know about you, but I'm too busy teaching my girls important things, more than how to match your bow, skirt, socks, purse and whatever else they feel they need to adorn themselves with. I don't have time to waste on nonsense. Maybe it's just me.

A handful of months ago Mia and I got our feelings hurt by a little diva and mother of the diva. Someone who was supposed to be a dear friend of mine. I've thought so much about this diva syndrome since then. I was almost made to feel put down because my Mia wasn’t a little diva like the rest. After all, diva is the new cool in six year olds right?

Well I've decided that like myself, I'd rather Mia be an individual. She is different from her peers and I love that about her. She does not go along with the pack. She does not do things to impress others. She is kind when others are picking on each other. She is not obsessed with clothes and hair and STUFF. She is so smart and quick. I've spent so many months watching my Mia grow up and change into a wonderful little girl. I'm grateful that this little issue happened a handful of months ago. It's taught me so many lessons about friendship and the type of person I want Mia to be...the type of mother that I am. I am grateful that I have a diva free home. I'm grateful for independent thinkers and I will always encourage that no matter the little divas in our life that are lost, because as I've experienced...it really wasn’t a loss at all.

Who are you really?

2010-04-27T11:47:00.003-05:00

Do you ever feel like your personality changes a bit when you are around different people? I'm not talking about a massive flip, but little changes, subtle changes. Why is this? How do you know who you really are?

I am VERY shy. I call it shy because it’s the only word I can use to describe how I feel, but I don't think it's completely "shy". When I'm around people I don't know well I am quiet. I watch and listen. I try to find my place. If I don't, well...I'm pretty much mute.

When I'm around people I like, I'm loud and silly. I say really inappropriate things. I laugh really loudly. I make fun of my friends. I pretty much act like I'm drunk...hmm.

When I'm in a group of my peers and there is another dominate personality, I always take back seat. I go quiet again. I think sometimes people in these situations think I'm a snob or a brat. Well I am both of those things too, but not in these situations. I don't like to compete here. It makes me nervous. I just watch.

When I'm at home I'm boss lady. I'm busy, and I'm usually pretty quiet. I read, laugh and play with the kids, but socially I'm quiet at home. I have a hard time being silly with the kids. I'm sarcastic for sure and this turns into silly, but I'm not goofy.

As I've gotten older, I've come to like social situations less and less. I'm not sure why, but I would just rather be with the kids and husband. This may be genetic. My mom is a total introvert. It’s gotten much worse as she has gotten older. Chris is scared of this happening to me so he keeps forcing me to branch out.

Anyway, I just hate small talk...chit chat...nonsense. I'd rather sit quietly and observe. I hate trying to think up nonsense that I don't really care about to make fake conversation. Maybe it's because I like being deep. hmmm. Maybe it's that selfish side again.

So the question remains, if we are always shifting, always changing, who are we really? Is your true self the one you are when you are alone and nobody is watching? Is it your spiritual self that only God really knows and sees? Is it the person you are with your spouse or best friends? Is it all of these things mashed up into one? Is it ever changing or is it something you are born as? If you don't like that self can you change it or are you stuck?

I'm finding that self discovery is harder than it seems...but I think it's worth it. If you really know who you are you can be a great benefit to others around you. Others will rely on you and learn from you. I have a few great women in my life who know themselves. They are my mentors and counselors. They are the women I turn to with every insecurity, every joy, every question I have. I am grateful for the truly self aware! I'm working on it.

"JOY"

2010-04-26T09:00:00.002-05:00

Chris and I are not always the best parents. Neither of us really likes kids. We love ours of course because there seems to be some genetic disposition to do so, but we're just not kid people. Kids are so much work and for the selfish this is just not a good thing. I suppose that's why we are supposed to have kids, to break this selfish cycle. Being selfish is bad...very bad. Bad in marriage, bad in friendships, bad in families. It's a ruiner for sure.

So here we are two selfish people with a slew of kids and more to come. I personally have always looked at having babies as an investment for greater things to come. What I am really looking forward to is having adult kids. Friends that have to like me because they are commanded to, and I gave them life and hopefully a little more. I'm looking forward to grandkids that I can look at from a distance and buy stuff for because that's how we show our love, that and food.

I have to say though, that having kids has been a little harder on Chris than I. I'm not sure if it's a man thing or what, but he is less patient and gets irritated easier than I do. Don't get me wrong, he's a great dad, but he has had to work at it a lot more than I have.

In a blessing he got once it mentioned how his children will be a true joy to him. I always laugh to myself about this when he is complaining about something when one of our spastic girls is being, well a spastic girl. I think...oh yeah, here's the joy!

A few years back we talked about this blessing that he received, and that specific line. We talked about how we just didn't see this child rearing thing as a true joy. That it most often sucked and is so much work. Which is true by the way, but in all of the suckage, there are moments. There are sweet, very tender moments. Moments of true joy. A loving Heavenly Father would not give us this huge responsibility without some frosting.

Our challenge is being able to see those moments for what they are. To recognize them and remember them when a child is throwing up in your hair. It's not an easy task, but it makes it all the much more sweeter and worth every bit of selfless sacrifice.

We made a goal to make notice of the joyous moments in our family life. It's almost turned into a joke between us...as most things do. For example, yesterday we had the opportunity to all be together, which is not easy for us due to Chris' schedule. We were outside playing a game of washers, the kids were laughing, the wind was blowing, and the girls were winning. It was quiet, but loud with laughter. Chris and I looked at each other at the exact same moment in time and simply said "JOY". It was joy; there is no other word to describe the feeling at that time. We felt it, the kids felt it. That small moment is what gives a parent the energy to see that it IS all worth it. The barf in the hair, the fighting, the messy rooms, the uneaten dinners, the everything that sucks. Brief moments of joy. I can't explain the feeling itself. I can't put words to it, but it is sweeter than any other emotion I've ever felt.

I know that since we've started looking for these moments Chris and I have been better parents. It shows us that we are not alone in this family rearing and as with most things in this life, all we endure is for making us stronger better people. If you're having an especially tough day, I suggest you look for those moments in your past. They will help you get through it with a smile and living children.

The Story of A Boy

2010-04-23T09:06:00.000-05:00

We found out yesterday that we are having a boy. I could not be more thrilled because if you know me at all you know that I REALLY hoped for a boy. Although I was certain it was a boy, there's always that doubt. You may ask how I could be so certain, well read the story that follows and you will find out.

We have had a history of miscarriages, but we've never told our kids about them while it was going on. We didn't want their hopes to get crushed like ours did. Well this winter I decided that I wanted to tell Zander and Mia about it...well because it was over and I wanted them to really understand how much we have to love them in order to sign up for these loses.

Zander understood very well and thought and talked about the lost babies a lot. Mia took another approach. Mia decided that she would pray for babies. Every prayer...all day long...everyday...she would pray for a "fresh healthy baby boy that would not die". This made for interesting meal time prayers for sure, and Chris and I couldn’t help but giggle at her oddness.

Chris and I hadn't decided that we were going to start trying again, and it usually takes us months to get pregnant...sometimes a year. So we just giggled it off...until the next month when I found out that I was in fact pregnant. We weren't really even trying and when I say trying...well I won't go there.

Anyway, we told the kids right away once we saw the heartbeat, I was seven weeks along. They were thrilled, and right in suit Mia said "I know it’s a boy". She has wanted a baby brother for a long time. I asked her how she could be so sure, and she simply said that she asked Heavenly Father for a new baby and he gave us one, so she knew that it would be a healthy boy too.

I also knew that He would send us a little boy. I know that the faith of a child made this baby happen in the way it did. This has been an awesome teaching experience for our children. They now have proof that when you ask and believe, you will receive. What a priceless testimony of faith this gave them, and I got a baby out of it too, so yay!

Because it's 4/20 (and if you don't know what that means...well my point is proven further...LOL)

2010-04-20T09:56:00.003-05:00

I'm a convert to my church and often times I find it so funny. In our church we are encouraged not to drink or smoke or use illegal drugs or abuse prescription drugs in anyway. All good things to avoid and I have a insanely strong testimony of that.

Having said that, I often find myself in a strange spot when surrounded by my Mormon peers. Especially my born and bred Mormon peers.

I grew up in a home where drugs and alcohol were very present. Addiction has plagued my family for generations. Not everyone, but many. I could tell you stories that would make you shiver. How I came out alive and well is a true miracle.

Drugs and alcohol were as much a part of my childhood as cartoons. This is not something I'm proud of at all, but needless to say, I am very aware of what they are and what they do to you. I am well versed in behaviors associated with being high or drunk. It's to the point where I could talk to my parents on the phone, hear one word from their mouth and know that they have been drinking. I could see their face for one second and just know. There's no fooling me on this topic.

I'm not going to pretend that I've never tried these things, but I knew immediately that it was just not for me. When I was a teen and under the influence of any substance that I shouldn't have been, I had this overwhelming feeling that it was just so wrong. My exploration didn't last very long, and it was enough to ingrain in me that drugs and alcohol were not good...in any form, at any time. I couldn't escape the guilt even when I had not one reason to feel guilty...drugs were encouraged where I come from.

When people join our church they often have a hard time giving up these things. Not me, not even a second thought. What is gained is so much grander than that little buzz, that it was just clear that this counsel was true and good.

The other day I found myself in a room of women from my church. One of the girls was talking about a family member who was experimenting with drugs a little and getting off the path. This girl was worried as she should be, I've seen that path and it's just ugly. Someone asked her what she was messing with and the girl said that it was marijuana....then she proceeded to ask if pot and marijuana was the same thing. I'm glad I was sitting down because I would have fell over. Really?? And this is where my problem comes in. I often have a hard time relating to these women. I don't think they are bad or wrong for not knowing this, but we are just so different.

My childhood was hard for so many reasons. Someone asked me once if I'd switch my trials with someone else. No way. I was exposed to so much that my peers have never even seen or heard of. I was brutally exposed to the world we live in. I am grateful for my trials because I can see from a mile away any danger signs. I can help my children avoid things that others have no clue are even coming or exist. I am so grateful for my experiences and the confidence I gained from them. I know that Heavenly Father knew me and had confidence that I would choose the way I did. He prepared me with the inner strength to learn from others mistakes and move in the right direction.

I admire my Mormon born and bred friends though. I admire the innocence they see the world with. That was the way Heavenly Father saw fit for them. They have lessons they learned that are what they needed and their families need. I don't look down on the girl who didn't know that marijuana and pot was the same thing. It really must have been a great upbringing she had. I often find myself envious of these girls for the love and spiritual knowledge they were raised with.

But like I said I would never trade with them. The tools I've learned from such exposure are priceless. I think they are tools that would not have been learned in any other way. I am grateful for the life I was given and am grateful for the life that I now have. I think it is safe to say that after all of the years of hurt I have finally healed and seen the larger purpose and plan. It feels good to be on the other side of this trial.

Camping and how we really felt...

2010-04-15T10:05:00.000-05:00

If you know me you know I rely heavily on sarcasm to express my points. My kids have figured this out and their lives are better for it. No sarcasm was used in the writing of this post.

Her expression says it all!

This last weekend we had the pleasure of going camping overnight with our ward. Since I had only been sort of camping once before, I was really excited to go. I bought all of the stuff that we didn’t already have. I planned snacks and activities. I did a lot of research in the form of asking everyone who loves camping a million questions. I was really excited. I could not have been more open-minded about the experience. I dreamed of camping trips and togetherness with the family...no really. I did. I wanted to love it.

Well we got there and hauled all of our supplies to the campsite and set up, only to find that we were at the wrong place. So with the help of some wonderful people, we moved our now "junk" to the right place. I felt defeated already. I'm sure the pregnancy hormones didn't help much.

We got all set up again and headed over to the campfire. Now I have never been a fan of smoke in my face, eyes, lungs or my children’s face, eyes, or lungs. The wind would shift and it would just smack you in the face and burn you eyes...cough cough...I was still trying to be optimistic.

We froze the whole night. It took me hours to thaw out.

Next came the cooking of hotdogs on a stick on a way too small fire with about ten people and children kneeling around...a cold hotdog never sounded so good. Wind...cough...cough...drip drip eyes..."Elle get out of the fire"..."man this is taking a long time does anyone have a microwave?"...someone make this fire bigger...cough cough...you get the picture. When my hotdogs were well, not cold, we assembled and ate the mess off our laps. We had plates, but ugh chips were sliding on the ground, ketchup was dripping, soda was being kicked over. If you know me at all, you know I treasure my eating experiences...cough cough...burn...drip drip..."Zander get out of the fire", I think I just drank a fly!

We sat around talking to our friends. This part was the best part. No distractions except smoky eyes and kids running around with skewers as swords...not a good combo by the way. I learned a lot about my friends and it was a good time.

A good time interrupted by the need for the pregnant woman to go to the bathroom. I will not go into details here, but there were porta potties. I was a hair from dropping trou in the woods. Let me tell you. Between the maternal barf urge and the urination urge...I was a mess.

The kids continued to run around like mad people and it was getting dark. We pulled out our glow sticks and lanterns and continued to talk. It was becoming apparent that the kids were ready for bed...it was eight o clock and all. So we headed over to the tent, got ready to sleep and began what I will call, the worse night of my life. One hour in and all optimism was out the window...the screen netted window thing.

It hurt, it was cold, it was hell on earth. At one point I said to Chris that my desires to be on the show Survivor have left me. I would die in that place. I suffered my friends. My kids suffered. I HATED camping. I slept about ten mins and the rest of the time I prayed for daylight...horrid!

Zander was in hog heaven.

We got up and Mia told me that she will no longer be jealous of Zander and Chris when they go camping. She said "mommy NEVER AGAIN" "Camping stinks". I kissed her stinky smoke ridden head. We went over to the gathering area watched men cook breakfast burritos. I have never had one before so I'm sure I annoyed them with my many questions, but oh well, that's what I do. It was pretty good, but I was desperate and all.

We sat around the fire some more and talked to our friends some more. Then the joy of it...it began to rain. So it was a mad dash to take down camps and get the beep out of that place. That we did. Got home, showered, did laundry and took a three hour nap in our warm fresh cozy beds...

I maintain that I didn’t not complain at all in front of the kids. I am really big on letting them form their own opinions on things. The females in our house had a horrible time. The males loved it all. Zander was in heaven. Good thing because I WILL have a eagle scout in this house one day. But I will never go camping again without a RV!!

The Anatomy of a Ward...and Women

2010-04-12T12:43:00.000-05:00

In our church we have what we call wards. Basically it's just the congregation, but ours is divided up geographically. So you have no choice where you go. If there is someone or something about that particular ward that you don't like, well you have two choices: you stop going to church, or you change what it is in yourself so you can function and forgive.
A ward is a very interesting thing to watch if you're a voyeur like I am. It is a microcosm of relationships between people who are forced to be together. It's not all bad, not even mostly bad, but there are downfalls for sure.
A Bishop oversees the ward and he has two counselors. These are normal everyday men who we believe that the Lord chooses to run his church on the earth. I've never had an issue with a Bishop. They all have their different styles. Some I've liked better than others, but I learned to love them all. I have on the other hand had issue with a counselor. Just one, one time. I could not even sustain this man. I just couldn't get past it. It ate me alive. All I really have to say is we ended up moving from that area and all I felt about that man later proved to be true. I have a killer instinct. It comes from a lifetime of watching. It works for good and evil.
The female relationships in wards are very interesting to watch. It seems that in our church there is a lot of competition. Or I should say that there can be, or it can get to you if you let it. I think women feel the need to compare themselves to each other to see where they are at. This causes many interesting phenomena’s. It seems to be about everything, how involved you kids are, how cute they dress, how thin you are, how many talents you have, how quickly you bounce back after having a baby, how many children you have AND how closely they are spaced. That last one kills me. I once had a sweet friend say to me that her children who are three years apart had a huge gap. That they are not spaced closely enough...WHAT?? Three years...It broke my heart because it was apparent that the competition was getting to her.
A female in our church holds so many responsibilities and I think her success is often measured by what others see on the outside...statistics if you will. What I would give to be a fly on the wall in some homes. I am a voyeur after all. I learn by watching. It's how I get through life. I watch, I ask a million questions, I pick apart and take what is good, I move on. It's the only way to survive when you are raised without influence.
I've never been one for outside appearances. I've never pretended to be something that I'm not. I don't care what my kids clothes look like as long as they are clean and the kids are happy with them. I know what it is that I am here to do and everyday I chip away and work. I don't care if my child doesn’t bear his testimony at church independently as long as he knows what the Holy Ghost is and how to use it. I've never fallen into the competition, but I've seen friends crushed by it. I wish I could teach self confidence to some of my sweet friends.
When we were deciding whether or not to have baby number four, we went to talk to the Bishop. Chris and I have relied on the counsel of our church leader very heavily throughout our marriage. The church is like our parents. Anyway, we told him of our issue and he proceeded to counsel us for a long time on how he doesn’t want us to fall into the competition of our ward. I was laughing to myself. He said wait a year or two, make sure this is what you want to do...blah blah blah yes we knew that already, but this was further proof of this....thing that women do.
But then he offered the advice that struck me. The thing we went there for, but didn't know it. He said, make sure your house is in complete order, your kids are spiritually feed and treated right, make sure the gospel is being taught and you family is strong before adding another one. He said to give them what Heavenly Father would give them. Of course we knew that already too, but to hear it again. It was good. So we tightened up a little. Made some changes, and about a year later got working on that baby...again.
I really don't think anyone has it all figured out even if they put on that front as if they do. I think everyone is scared and weak on the inside. I think if we could show that to each other we would be helping way more. When I get really...well...I call it honest...Chris says it's "Melissa in the raw". I think everyone should really be more like that. Not mean or cruel, just honest, with themselves, with each other. Honest on the inside and out. Independent of others projections. It's a much better place to be.

it's a....something!

2010-04-08T12:11:00.000-05:00

Yikes, not again! We have been diligently working on a new Krantz for about a year on and off here. We had one minor set back this summer, took a few months off and then got back on the horse.

We are very excited, but I must admit that being pregnant at 31 is WAAAY more difficult than at 22. Mama is tired. It's been a rough few months here. It got so bad that I sent Chris away for a month so he would not have to deal with the pregnobeast. That's what we call pregnant women. It is very fitting if you ask me. Although I'm sure that most women who are pregnant will resent it.

We usually keep it quiet until we find out the gender, but yet another lovely side affect of being pregnant for the fourth time is...well...I'll just call it the beer belly. The beer belly on a woman who does not ever have a belly or drink beer is a sure sign that I cannot hide anymore. Chris told me to just wear baggy clothes...well honey, I have none. I wear clothes that fit me. Sooo here I am in this in between stage...is she fat or pregnant. I am happy to report it is the latter. I've lost six pounds and gained a beer belly...so I'm going to say that somewhere in there this three inch wonder is making something go on that i am sooo utterly unaware of. And I must admit for the first time...I'm not happy to be showing so soon...boooo!

But I am happy that baby is healthy and doing well. We've seen the heartbeat on the ultrasound and heard it a few weeks later. When you've been through enough miscarrages, that is good news enough. You can ride that high for months.

We are hoping for a baby...boy or girl...with Chris' personality. Simply because the last two have about done me in. I feel for my parents...deeply. I cry for them. Maybe that's why my childhood took the shape it did. I can see it now. It gives me chills, and they only had one like me...Anyway, we will find out the gender in a few weeks. I'm a planner and a control freak so I MUST know and have it all done months before the baby arrives.

We have a gaggle of pregnobeasts in the ward right now. I have mixed feeling about this. I hate being one of the herd, but what can you do. Also, my best buddy is also pregnant. All of our kids are the same age and gender, except they have a plus one. She will find out the gender of her baby tomorrow, and I'm convinced that they will be the same, so I'm very excited to hear.

So there you have it. The reason I've not blogged well in eternity. All I have on the brain is BABY. But now the news is out and I'm free to complain...gush...and share all that is going on in this psycho house.

When you have a baby....

2010-03-26T14:38:00.000-05:00

it seems as if your whole identity becomes that of the baby...baby cleaner, holder, changer. Everything that seems to matter has something to do with that baby. Sleep habits, normal growth, eating habits, car seats, strollers, matching bows and outfits. I saw this in myself, and I see it all of the time with moms around me.

I'm in an interesting stage of motherhood. A few years back I felt this hole. I simply was no longer satisfied with obsessing about babies...I remembered that there was way more to who I am than my babies. Now don't get me wrong motherhood is amazing, but it is so easy to lose yourself in the process. And I fear that when that child hits the age of say...five or so, you will find yourself a bit empty.

My oldest is on the cusp of eight years old, and although that is not quite out of the house yet, he is certainly no longer a baby. He is a vocal active part of the family. I'm beginning to see what having older children will be like...and me likey! How I went from holder to watcher. I started to see that one day these babies will grow up and what will be left of me, my dreams and my marriage. So I started slowly to remember who I was and sort of add it to the mix. One of my biggest fears in life is the fear that when we have a empty nest I will look at my husband and say...who are you, and look at my self and say the same thing. So we made changes.

I am so much more than a mother and I fear if I never realized this and looked outside of that box a little I would have resented the kids...the marriage...the housework...well I do resent the housework, but you get my point.

I love how parenthood changes as your kids grow. I have loved my opportunity to change and grow with them. I have found it interesting to watch moms of young kids and see the same mistakes I made. It's actually hilarious to sit in a group of women with just droolers and hear the conversation. I get quiet and giggle to myself. I'm sure the mom's of teenagers think I'm just as silly.

Yay for spring and all it affords.

2010-03-12T08:52:00.000-06:00

I finally got up to taking pictures, editing them, and actually uploading them to the blog. Somedays it seems as if i can accomplish two to these tasks, but all three hold no interest for me. I am happy to report that I finally got my butt in gear and did it. Elle and I took a walk around yesterday and found so many signs that spring has actually hit Houston. We we're thrilled. Check out my poor neglected photo blog if you wanna see a few more.

You know I've been in a blog slump. I usually like to update my blog every few days, but lately my cut off is every week. Which I have to say is way better than some of my friends who do it once a year...I won't mention names....but I do feel better now...LOL!

what the heck

2010-02-24T14:37:00.000-06:00

We have seriously been so busy with so many wonderful things going on, but I am yet to blog. Why this rut?

I need to do some shooting. It's been too long since I've pimped myself out to get some photo jobs.

We're on the cusp of a complete kitchen remodel. I should say finish, but I decided instead of finishing that we're going to scrap it and pay someone to do it all right and exactly what I want without any compromise this time.

Mia lost another tooth...so sad!

Elle is a baby monster, who never shuts up. She is literally talking alllllllllllllllll day. My mother told me that I used to be that way to. Chris would say that I am still that way. He calls me Dino...you know the dog from the Flinstones....think opening to the cartoon...I meet him at the door and yap yap yap yap yap.

There is just so much more...but I'm already bored typing.

If anyone would like a photoshoot let me know. Give me pity. I may not even charge you if you're nice to me...LOL!

My Man

2010-02-16T14:22:00.000-06:00

I have this husband you see, who is very very sweet. He is not sweet one day a year, he is sweet all days of the year. He constantly brings me gifts, and treats. He always helps out. He knows me better than I know myself, and yet he still loves me. He works harder for our family than any other man I know and never complains about his load.

BUT...the best thing he does for me is, he makes these beauties whenever I ask him to do so. He makes many of these a year. One time I asked him to make 22 of these and he did it with a smile.

Sure I get my diamonds, I get my chocolate, I get my help around the house, but what I want....what I need....is Pizza. I know no other man this side of the country that can make one as yummy and perfect as my man! LOL!

BridgeFest

2010-02-11T10:39:00.000-06:00

We've started a new tradition of doing family fun runs. This is from last weekend. Zander ran a mile and Mia ran a half mile. They had so much fun doing it, and it was really fun for me to be a part of it. I hope I get at least one runner in the famliy to keep me company. It was freezing and very early. They were troopers for sure. I was very proud of how brave they were. There were a bunch of kids and it was complete chaos. They just went out and got it done. Zander wore his medal all week. It was very cute.

Gumballs

2010-02-11T10:25:00.000-06:00

For the 100th day of school Mia had to bring in 100 items of something to work on counting to 100 (a task she mastered last year). Anyway we picked a big ol bucket of gumballs. When looking at this bucket of future rotten teeth I decided it was time for Stinky to learn her colors. She had so much fun and pretty much has them down. She had to smell each one before she would tell me the color...LOL!

Do you ever wonder too?

2010-02-10T08:33:00.002-06:00

I wonder why I send my kids to public school everyday.

I wonder why I spend the day missing them while they are in someone else's care.

I wonder why when I ask them what they learned today they say, "Nothing, I knew everything we covered already."

I wonder why when they tell me they are sick of teachers yelling all day.

I wonder why when I teach them more math in one hour than they learned all year so far.

I wonder why, when Zander's teachers tell me that I cannot home school because they need his help in class reaching other students.

I wonder why when Mia comes home with a raging case of head lice because a parent didn't have the nerve to tell the teacher that their kid has it so be on the look out.

I wonder why when Zander comes home with hurt feelings from listening to kids swear all day.

I wonder why when all learning is geared towards passing state testing, not enriching them.

I wonder why when I pull worksheet after worksheet out of Zander's backpack.

I wonder why when I realize that they are in school for seven hours and they come home begging for "extras" because they are not being stretched.

I wonder why when I successfully taught Zander how to read when he was four, and by five had him reading chapter books.

I wonder why when my children are told not to talk about their faith in Jesus Christ at school.

I just plain ol wonder why...

I'm yet to hear one concern about home school that even comes close to my concerns about public school. Not one...

enough to make mama's ovaries ache....

2010-02-01T17:26:00.000-06:00

It's plain ol unfair I tell ya....unfair!

Blogging Break

2010-02-01T16:43:00.000-06:00

I've tried to stay away from the computer a little for various reasons, but have come to realize I miss blogging. Sooo I have a few pictures that I need to take to show you what we've been up to lately, and a few to edit too. I've been computer shy. You simply won't believe how much I'm getting done around here!

We have a great weekend planned...I'll give you one hint....

2010-01-15T12:43:00.000-06:00

Wish us luck!!!

we call her....stinky

2010-01-11T10:24:00.000-06:00

Since birth, Elle's nickname has been stinky. She just has this odor about her...a little stinky. Even fresh out of the bath...stinky. Poor girl, although I must say that I've noticed it is going away a little as she gets older. We were calling her smelly Elley for a while but had to stop this for fear of Kindergarten. I do love her so. I get to stay home with her all day and we've become so close. I will miss my time with her when she goes to school in three years. Ahh my little stinky who has the most lovely eyelashes ever. I did a little photo shoot of our family for some new house, and daddy office decor. This was my favorite one of her. Monkey!

Mia...or Meeeeeeahhhhh!

2010-01-06T16:16:00.000-06:00

Did I ever blog about my little Mia's newly pierced ears. Well here you go. She begged for weeks and I gave in. She has been so responsible about them. Next baby girl will get them done at three months old. Way easier in my opinion. My Mia is so perty...is that wrong to say...considering that she looks most like me...hmmm.

A Crantz is born.

2010-01-04T20:50:00.000-06:00

After 30 some years, Chris finally has proof that he was infact born. There were all of these issues at the time of his brith that "caused" his parents to put false names on the birth certificate. We've spent years trying to come up with the correct combo of false names used and finally got the missing link from his mom. Christopher Crantz was born. I'm not sure who he is, but I am darn glad that we don't all have to change our names to reflect the error. So since his legal name is Crantz, he will have to get new identification stating that his name is Crantz now that he has a birth certificate, not Krantz like he's been living under for the last 30 years, and legally change his name. I'm trying to get him to change his whole name...any suggestions? I think it's pretty funny that he's made it in this country 30 years without a birth certificate. He has everything else in the proper name, just not the actual proof of birth. He could never get a passport because of this, and I cant wait until he does....oh the possibilities. oh wait, this just means that he can travel more for work...darn...oh well, I'm going to Rome...

Irvine

2010-01-01T10:30:00.001-06:00

Are you there?
Are you watching me?

As I lie here on this floor

They say you feel what I do

They say you're here every moment

Will you stay?

Stay 'till the darkness leaves

Stay here with me

I know you're busy, I know I'm just one

But you might be the only one who sees me

The only one to save me

Why is it so hard?

Why can't you just take me?

I don't have much to go

Before I fade completely

Can you feel how cold I am?

Do you cry as I do?

Are you lonely up there all by yourself?

Like I have felt all my life

The only one to save mine

How are you so strong?

What's it like to feel so free?

Your heart is really something

Your love, a complete mystery to me

Are you there watching me?

As I lie here on this floor

Do you cry, do you cry with me?

Cry with me tonight

Are you there?

Are you watching me?

-Irvine

Bringing in the New Year Like a Rockstar

2010-01-01T09:18:00.001-06:00

New Years Eve is always a little depressing for me. I very much live in the now and try to make every moment all I want it to be. 2009 was an amazing year for so many reasons. Last December I set big goals for 2009 and am very proud to say that I knocked them out. We also set up some huge family goals and accomplished every one of those two.
There is a bad side to finishing goals...it can leave you a little...well...empty. I am very goal orientated. I need goals to keep moving. So after I accomplished one of my lifetime goals and two of my adulthood goals, I had a rough few months. I wasn’t sure what was next and I felt...bored really. So In true Melissa fashion I've set some new ones and all I can say is this year is waaaayyyy bigger than last year and I am so excited. You all better watch out for what’s coming here...its crazy!

Chris has set some goals for the year and I'm going to turn my psycho focus on him and help him get em done. I just pray that I don't scare him off. I do everything I say I will and I do it 100 percent. Most people have a hard time with this and I can come off a little...well...annoying. Oh well I've been called worse, so I will move on with my goals.

I will say goodbye to 2009. She was great to us and I will always remember her. I grew miles and miles. I learned more about myself this year than all the rest combined. I hope 2010 will be just as sweet!

Boston Bound?

2009-12-30T08:36:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about marathoning lately. I'm not sure why, since running the marathon was the most painful thing I've ever recovered from. There is something to be said for it though. During the 16+ weeks I trained, I learned more about myself than any other time in my life. I think the training literally saved me when Chris was away working for that 8 months. I know it saved me. I had a reason to get up and go everyday...after all, I was training for a marathon.

I really had no desire to run another one. Ask all of my friends...nope never, why would anyone want to do it twice. Well....here i am seven months out...thinking. The goal of your first marathon should be to finish... period. You should not have any time in mind because it will take away from the actual accomplishment of finishing if you don't meet your time goal. So that's what I did. Finish. My time was very respectable, but in true Melissa fashion...I know I could beat it. Not just that, I know I can blow it away.

I've been doing speed training for the last five months or so and have gotten faster. So of course, like any natural person who thinks like a psycho...I say....why not try to qualify for Boston? Makes sense right. The Boston Marathon has so much history to it, it is also one of the toughest. You have to meet a certain time just to qualify to run it. I would need to cut a little over a hour off my time. I'm not worried about that, it's the looming risk of injury that gets me. I will have to run a marathon this coming fall to qualify, then run Boston four months later. Plenty of time. Plenty of sore knees.

I'm not sure if I'm going to do it, I'm just thinking...any ideas out there from my team of voyers?

Oh Santa, what did you do?

2009-12-29T13:57:00.000-06:00

As if the Krantz home needed more animals! We just couldn't resist this addition. I'll tell you a secret, even though I say I hate animals...I don't really. I've wanted a bunny forever! This little guy is soooo sweet and could not be any easier to take care of. If you're out for a new family pet, a MALE bunny is one worth looking into. I really think the kids learn so much by taking care of our little zoo of animals. Pharaoh has been a great addition! I also have to say, he poses really well for pictures. Further proof that he was made for this family!

My Little Mia

2009-12-21T14:25:00.000-06:00

My Mia is a silly little girl. She's just like her mom. She loves hard and fights even harder. She invited a little friend over today to play. I think alot of times she's misunderstood...just like her mom. I often get so caught up in my routine that I don't go out of my way inviting even more kids over to my house, but everytime I do I am so happy that we did. It's easy having playdates when the kids are as good as these! I'm really trying to branch out a little. My life can be a hard one sometimes. I'm going to try to be a little better.

Word of the Year

2009-12-21T11:45:00.002-06:00

This last year was truly monumental for me in so many ways. A few years back I started the tradition of picking one word that I would use throughout the year to help me stay focused. My word for 2009 was initially "CONQUER", but then I changed it to "HEART". Both words really apply to this last year. I'm trying get the next years accomplishments planned out in my head and pick my word of the year.

I had this ring made for me last January to help me remember. I wore it the whole five months that I trained for the marathon. The training was the true test and journey! I also wore it while I ran my first marathon in May, and it came in real handy at mile 23 when I needed to be reminded that I did have all it took to finish the amazing goal that I set my heart on. I remember looking at it and pulling inspiration from places that I didn't know existed to finish that race.

So my question is. What word would you choose? You don't have to tell me, but I promise a silly little thing like this will help you conquer you goals and yourself!

The New Babysitter

2009-12-19T09:16:00.002-06:00

Chris built this sandbox in the fall for the kids. It was a early Christmas present for me and them. Me, because I needed to get them outside off my feet all day, and them because they needed something to create with that would not drive me nuts. I've wanted one forever; this is our first permanant house so it was time. I was worried that it would turn into a neighborhood litterbox too, but we have a cool cover to keep out the devil animals. He did a great job and we all love it. My kids, like myself, don't really love the outdoors. I'm sure that is my fault. Outside in Texas has a totally different meaning than outside any other place I've lived. I'll explain one day! The sand box has really pulled them outdoors a ton. Thank you Papa!

To the Sensitive Person.

2009-12-16T13:15:00.000-06:00

Something has been on my mind lately and it's too long to post in my facebook status.

Through out my life I've always been accused of being too sensitive. "Oh you're too sensitive", is something I have heard so many times. So for years, I've tried to alter myself to be less sensitive. I've tried to be less thoughtful of what others felt, and needed. I've tried to thicken my skin so the daggers don't pierce it so easily. I've strived to be less sensitive. Less sensitive? Why am I striving to be less sensitive?
What is wrong with being sensitive? We are counseled over and over again to be more sensitive. Sensitive to the needs of others, sensitive to our spouse, sensitive to the environment, sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit. The list goes on and on. What the heck is wrong with being sensitive?
After years of reflection, I've recently decided that maybe it's not me that needs the changing in this area. Maybe it is the right thing to be sensitive. The problem for the sensitive person lies in the world we live in. It is full of completely insensitive people. Self centered people who cannot see beyond the tip of their nose.
I believe my flaw is not my sensitivity, but it lays in how I react to the complete and utter insensitivity of others. That is where my time is better spent perfecting. I know that is where I lack. I can be a firecracker at times.
Also I know that I cannot change the world, but I can change myself. The last thing this world needs is another insensitive person. I'm going to go on being sensitive. I'm going to continue considering others and what they need from me. I will continue to worry about how I affect others. I will not let others insensitive comments about my sensitivity feel so negative, because as a sensitive person I know better.

Some old photos got me thinking...

2009-12-11T09:53:00.000-06:00

Chris and his mom.

Me and my mom. Our mothers were very young mothers...not that there's anything wrong with that, but it may explain a lot...

Chris eating a banana. Other than this photo, I've never seen Chris eat a banana.

Chris building a snowman during a real winter storm

I can only assume those are cloth napkins

Chris and Grandpa Lee, whom we love to death!

Chris as a sophomore in high school.

We played Jesus Mary and Joseph for three years straight...It was a very inaccurate role for us, I was waiting for lightening to crack overhead. This turned into more of a post about Chris. I have maybe six pictures of me from when I was little. I think it's fun to see that our kids are really miniatures of us, and how we have turned into our parents. Scary...