It's no secret how much I adore my little babies. I love them all for different reasons. Each one has their own unique set of awesomeness.
The other day my little Mia and I were laying on my bed having a talk about some things that have been going on in her life. We were laying there while I was feeding Asher. At a lull in our conversation we both just sat there staring at Asher. How little and cute he is. At that moment Mia said, "mom, I love his little noises". Now this seems like a benign statement, but it just caught me. My little seven year old noticed and appreciated the soft little noises her newborn brother made while he ate. Grown women everywhere often mention loving the sweet baby noises that newborns make. While I was in awe of tiny Asher, Mia was the one I marveled at. Is she really just seven?
Fast forward a week or two. Today I was sitting on the couch feeding Asher again. One of the perks of having a bottle fed baby in a big family is that anyone and everyone can feed the baby. So I don't always do the feeding because my hands are often very full. What initially felt like a horrible thing (having to bottle feed) has turned into something really special between siblings and with Chris. Everyone gets to share in the moment.
I was sitting there today feeding Asher. I was busy with the other kids as well. I was taking off Eryx's shoes, putting on a show for Elle, and at one point answering a text. All the while still feeding Asher. When I finished all of that I looked down at my sweet baby and made eye contact with him. He stopped sucking, his eyes got all big and he started panting in excitement. It just melted my heart. Such a simple gesture made this kid go all crazy for his momma, and made his momma go crazy for him. It reminded me that throughout all of this craziness that is the Krantz family, what's important is beneath.
We are in the middle of some major changes, and much insanity over here. I am often more stressed out than there are even words for. I'm assured by my older friends that it will just keep getting busier as the kids get older, but I'm in total denial. We are always moving and going. We are always engaged in something good and worthwhile, and when we are not we are together. Just us. Just together. These calm and quiet moments that we do have are the joy that is having children. Small tidbits of joy.
Chris and I often talk about the process of raising a family. How it's very very hard, but very very amazing. His Patriarchal blessing reminds him that his children will "always be a blessing and a joy" to him. So throughout the years I've take the opportunity to point out what is the joy of having a family. We will be in the middle of something and I will just turn to him and say, "joy". It's actually kind of funny, but effective. I think that Chris has a harder time finding the joyful moments in it. After all, it's a ton of work. This task I've taken upon myself, pointing out the joy, has taught me to really notice the little moments. I'm very grateful for that. A little joyful moment of parenting can stretch this stressed out girl a long way!
There are things that I've learned by being a parent that I don't think I could have learned anywhere else, or not nearly as fast. I'm grateful for a wise Heavenly Father for allowing me to wade through this stress storm of ours and I'm also thankful for the small moments of joy that keep us afloat. I know it will all pass and one day I will miss this crazy. That's what the old tell us, and when I ponder the reality of that, I am saddened by it.