Yesterday was one of those days...let me outline it for you:
I woke up on my seventh day of being sick with massive amounts of sneezing/coughing/production from said sneezing and coughing. Sore throat so bad I could not even talk. Also this huge pregnant belly that makes even the simplest things feel impossible.
I got two big kids breakfast, made lunches and drove them to school.
I made the final cheesecake for Mia's Science fair project. She made the other 8, but due to time limits, I made the last one while she was at school.
I wrestled a toddler and an Elle into breakfast, clothes, and whatever else they needed.
I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom including the trash and doing a load of laundry.
I organized the fridge because we really need two but I'm in denial that if I keep the one we have clean it will be enough...it's not.
I read and prepared a little of my next lesson I have to teach at church.
I fed the babies lunch and cleaned the bathrooms.
I loaded up sugar (class pet from kinder that we still babysit because my kids are nuts), and returned her to the school.
I picked up the kiddos and we played at the park for a hour after school.
I got them home, made a snack and Mia and I proceeded to work many minutes on her science fair project.
I drove Zander to swim practice.
I made dinner, and cleaned the kitchen again from the evening of eating that we do.
I prepared a cheesecake to be taken to Chris's work so it would stop starring at me.
We tackled homework and snuggled.
I got all kiddos in cleaned and jammied and tucked safety into bed.
Now these were the major things that I could remember from my day yesterday. And mind you, Tuesdays are my easy day. I won't even get into Wednesday nights...they scare me. Chris was here doing what he does with the kids and helping whenever I'd let/ask him as usual. But these were my jobs. Mothers do a lot for their family.
During the many minutes Mia and I were sitting and working on her project, she looked at me, she rubbed my tummy...looked at me again...
Then she said something very simple to her, but very big to me. She said, "mom how do you do so much?".
I said, "there is a lot to be done and someone has to do it!".
Then she looked at my very large tummy and said, "being pregnant seems so hard, how have you done it so many times? Five times!!"
I thought for a second at the shear sweetness of these observations and poked her while saying, "if I didn't do this, I wouldn't have you!"
And that's it...my whole day totally erased. Every selfless moment, every wiped butt, every rotten sippy cup, every dish cleaned, every baby kick in my ribs, every bathroom trip, every sneeze, every bad thing totally erased. My day wasn't bad up to that point, just busy and normal, but when you tally. When you lose yourself in the workload, it's hard to remember why exactly you do all of this.
Then a sweet daughter observes your worth and makes it all go away. This pregnancy has been the hardest one for me so far. Not physically exactly, but mentally. My attitude is less positive than with the rest and that has bugged me because its my control. I've really pondered what exactly is the difference. After all I was just pregnant 16 months ago with my easiest pregnancy...what changed. My attitude. When we focus on the bad, that's pretty much how we will feel all of the time. When I remember the WHY of this pregnancy, the pains and inconveniences really don't have a place.
We decided to have this baby because our Father in Heaven told us to do so. He had an additional spirit to send to our family. He saw us worthy of that spirit. At the end of these nine months of complete crazy, I will get another juicy sweet baby. That's the WHY. One more set of eyes to gaze at his momma. Two more arms to hug me with. Tons of sweet giggles. And hopefully a handful more of kind and grateful observations from him about how important I truly am to this family.
So yes Mia, we've done this five times and who knows if we are done. Yes Mia, motherhood is the HARDEST job on this earth. I'll argue that with anyone to death. Yes Mia, I get so very tired everyday, and yes Mia, it's worth EVERY single sacrifice.
I have a very strong testimony of many ideas in this life, but few top my testimony of motherhood. I live it everyday to the fullest possible effect. I know that I cannot be perfect, but I'm always in the business of perfecting myself and begging my Father in Heaven to help me and fill in the gaps where I fail. I grew up in a home where I was taught not to ever get married or ever have children. These words have had great significance in my life since I was very small. Probably more so than the speaker ever imagined. As I've completely denied that advice and actually set my life in order contrary to it, I have found more happiness than any person should be allowed to have. I have been blessed in ways that I feel unworthy for.
We live in a world where people are choosing to avoid marriage and children. I'm not telling anyone to have a boatload of kids here. I really don't care what others do. What I'm saying is my heart breaks for the selfish of this world. I see it everyday and I'm grateful that while I may have many many many flaws, being selfish is not one of them. My life is dedicated to the will of the Lord and I gave the large part to him a long time ago. I'm still working on the small things. What I know to be true is undeniable and unshakable...and for that I'm grateful.