This weekend my glorious husband of almost 11 years bought me a new kitchen. Now you have to understand that when we moved into this foreclosure not only did we get it for a steal, but we got a funky rotten kitchen. FUNKY! So in the weeks after we bought it, we gutted the kitchen and put in a temporary kitchen of sorts just to last us a little while until we could figure out what we really want. Our temporary kitchen cost us about $2000 and a whole lot of elbow grease. We knocked down walls, broke up tile, bought some new appliances. We bought raw cabinets and stained them, then installed them. Anyway you get my point. We put in a tile counter top which in the beginning looked nice, but was a pain in the booty to work with.
Two weeks ago we decided that enough was enough of this hodge podge kitchen. My husband said the three most beautiful words to me that a man could say to a woman on the verge of redesigning her new kitchen..."whatever you want". Oh how I swooned...yes I swooned. Fewer things make me happier. Although Chris knows of my extreme frugality so he could trust me with those words when they were said. I have a hard time spending our money on things that are not horribly needed and when I do I must always get a deal.
So I took a long hard look at our kitchen and decided all that was necessary was the counter tops and back splash. Everything else is pretty good. Off we went to the store to pick out the new stuff. It took me about two days to really finalize everything. The workers came and went and as I sit here I stare at my new kitchen. I adore it. Really I do, and often I wonder how I could love "stuff" so much. But you see, as a stay at home mommy of four I pretty much live in my kitchen. I feel it finally reflects us.
I told a few close friends what was going on mostly out of pure jubilation. Once it was all done they asked me to post pictures on facebook. Chris likewise asked me why I didn't post anything on facebook about the kitchen. So this leaves me to my question: How much of what you do is for the attention, benefit, shock, or envy of others? Now we all do it. Do kid anyone by saying none.
This left me with sort of a dilemma. I didn't want to be that girl. I have been that girl. But this time I feel like I don't need or even want that attention. What's changed here? It's not the kitchen. I know most everyone will love it. It's unique, sleek, sparkly and new. What is it in me that says no...not this time. Posting pictures of facebook would almost embarrass me. I'm not sure what is going on here.
I've seen many a friend post pictures of their new kitchen or bathroom, and most are very happy for them. But inside those comments you read about envy. I've felt envy while looking at those pictures. I don't think there is anyone in my life that I'd like to make feel the way I've felt in those situations.
Don't we already put each other down so much. We do. We all feel it. We say to ourselves that so and so is such a great dresser, or what's her name has a bigger house than I do, or why are her kids so well behaved. As a result we put our self down by comparing. I'm really trying here to not continue that poo poo. I really think that women are each others worst enemies. Its all pretty from the outside, but so much yuck can be inside.
Maybe the solution is to surround yourself with only those who know you for you and know your intent and likewise you know their heart. Is that even possible. I'd have like five friends then. Five really good friends, but just five none the less.
Either way, I'm not giving in this time. I will not post pictures. I guess if anyone wants to see the kitchen, they will need to stop by...umm bring food....then I'll show you. I doubt that anyone even really cares or has given this as much thought as I have. After all one of my gifts is thinking things to DEATH. It's a skill really. But I think this feeling I have is a good one. It shows a change for the better and a caring for the people around me. I'm going to ride that wave for a while. I will continue on my quest to end humble bragging. I'm going to do it I tell ya! I challenge you likewise to look inward and see how much of what you do is for appearance and envy. I know we are not perfect, but everyday of my life I'm trying to be better and I know that one day I will be because of my efforts. Not in this life maybe, but it will come.