Wednesday, December 22, 2010

How do I feel this good sober?

I. Don't. Drink.

Did you know that? We don't drink alcohol. Ever.

When I was a child I was surrounded by alcohol and drugs. This post may upset some people (my parents) but it is what it is. Some of my youngest memories were of my drunk parents, or stoned parents, or passed out parents. Now that I am a parent, I cannot imagine being under the influence of anything while having these precious ones in my possession. I hated seeing my parents drink. HATED it! Even as a young child I was so disappointed in them for doing something that would make them act differently than themselves. They weren't angry drunks, or mean to me while drunk. They simply were not the people whom I loved.

Ive heard people say that they drink to relax, or open up in social situations. Are people who don't drink unable to do that on their own? Why do people need to rely on a proven harmful substance to create a false reality. If we're trying to escape something by drinking shouldn't we reevaluate our lives and cut out the things we need a reprieve from. There is always more than one way to do things. A change of perspective is priceless in my opinion.

Yes, I've tried it. I had a six month stint covering the spring to fall of 1997. I tried many things over the course of those six months. I wasn't impressed. Every time I drank I would feel so badly about myself. I remember numerous times looking in the mirror while tipsy and thinking I was pretty pathetic to put myself into that situation. I was disgusted with myself. I saw it as weak. I felt it was a weakness. A character flaw in myself. It didn't take long for me to decide that alcohol just wasn't for me. So I just stopped it. I took control of it, opened the window and let it fly away. I've seen it destroy to many people and relationships around me.

Now as an adult, a Mormon adult, I don't drink. Not because I'm Mormon, but because I just don't get the appeal. I bet that if people watched themselves while drinking they would never do it again. The stupid things they say, the moronic facial expressions, the inability to walk correctly. Even the smallest amount of it messes with your senses. I never want to find myself in a situation where I wasn't one hundred percent able to take care of myself for the sake of a good time. The truth is I have a much better time being sober surrounded by real joy and not a false sense of joy. I don't ever want to disappoint my children the way my parents disappointed me. I love that I have a strong healthy body. The thought of poisoning it is terrifying to me. I work dang hard to keep it healthy. No amount of escape is worth damaging one cell because I'm too weak.

Now I don't judge others for this, well maybe I do. I defiantly do judge others for this. It hits so close to home. When I'm at a restaurant and I see a family having dinner where both parents are drinking. It makes me ill...who's going to drive those little ones home. I've driven under the influence...even of the smallest degree...scary and one of my largest regrets in life. I judge and I just can't help it. I know to the very core of my being that it is wrong. I know that it is Satan's way of creeping into us. To make us lower our inhibitions so he can gain control...even for the shortest time. My testimony of this is stone solid. I can't make excuses for others...I just can't. Not on this one.

 I try to never put myself in a situation where I witness it. I stay away from it all, and when I do happen to be placed in a situation that I don't like, I get flaming mad. I remember my youth, my parents. I'm thrown back into that life of loneliness and worry. You can live a life without it. I guarantee you would never regret not having one more drink. I guess it's another lesson in self-mastery. I've learned so many ways to deal with reality instead of just escaping it. Healthy ways. I don't think anyone could really live in this world and not know the damaging affects of alcohol. Mind, body, and Spirit.

I just don't get it. But hey that's just me...

1 comment:

The Caldwell Family: said...

I think it is so wonderful that you are such a strong person. Truthfully, I think your experiences have helped make you the person you are today -even if it was bad. I commend you for breaking the cycle and having a loving family that has their priorities set straight. You should be so proud of yourself for becoming the person you are today regardless of your past. Awesome!