Do you ever feel like your personality changes a bit when you are around different people? I'm not talking about a massive flip, but little changes, subtle changes. Why is this? How do you know who you really are?
I am VERY shy. I call it shy because it’s the only word I can use to describe how I feel, but I don't think it's completely "shy". When I'm around people I don't know well I am quiet. I watch and listen. I try to find my place. If I don't, well...I'm pretty much mute.
When I'm around people I like, I'm loud and silly. I say really inappropriate things. I laugh really loudly. I make fun of my friends. I pretty much act like I'm drunk...hmm.
When I'm in a group of my peers and there is another dominate personality, I always take back seat. I go quiet again. I think sometimes people in these situations think I'm a snob or a brat. Well I am both of those things too, but not in these situations. I don't like to compete here. It makes me nervous. I just watch.
When I'm at home I'm boss lady. I'm busy, and I'm usually pretty quiet. I read, laugh and play with the kids, but socially I'm quiet at home. I have a hard time being silly with the kids. I'm sarcastic for sure and this turns into silly, but I'm not goofy.
As I've gotten older, I've come to like social situations less and less. I'm not sure why, but I would just rather be with the kids and husband. This may be genetic. My mom is a total introvert. It’s gotten much worse as she has gotten older. Chris is scared of this happening to me so he keeps forcing me to branch out.
Anyway, I just hate small talk...chit chat...nonsense. I'd rather sit quietly and observe. I hate trying to think up nonsense that I don't really care about to make fake conversation. Maybe it's because I like being deep. hmmm. Maybe it's that selfish side again.
So the question remains, if we are always shifting, always changing, who are we really? Is your true self the one you are when you are alone and nobody is watching? Is it your spiritual self that only God really knows and sees? Is it the person you are with your spouse or best friends? Is it all of these things mashed up into one? Is it ever changing or is it something you are born as? If you don't like that self can you change it or are you stuck?
I'm finding that self discovery is harder than it seems...but I think it's worth it. If you really know who you are you can be a great benefit to others around you. Others will rely on you and learn from you. I have a few great women in my life who know themselves. They are my mentors and counselors. They are the women I turn to with every insecurity, every joy, every question I have. I am grateful for the truly self aware! I'm working on it.