Friday, March 26, 2010

When you have a baby....

it seems as if your whole identity becomes that of the baby...baby cleaner, holder, changer. Everything that seems to matter has something to do with that baby. Sleep habits, normal growth, eating habits, car seats, strollers, matching bows and outfits. I saw this in myself, and I see it all of the time with moms around me.

I'm in an interesting stage of motherhood. A few years back I felt this hole. I simply was no longer satisfied with obsessing about babies...I remembered that there was way more to who I am than my babies. Now don't get me wrong motherhood is amazing, but it is so easy to lose yourself in the process. And I fear that when that child hits the age of say...five or so, you will find yourself a bit empty.

My oldest is on the cusp of eight years old, and although that is not quite out of the house yet, he is certainly no longer a baby. He is a vocal active part of the family. I'm beginning to see what having older children will be like...and me likey! How I went from holder to watcher. I started to see that one day these babies will grow up and what will be left of me, my dreams and my marriage. So I started slowly to remember who I was and sort of add it to the mix. One of my biggest fears in life is the fear that when we have a empty nest I will look at my husband and say...who are you, and look at my self and say the same thing. So we made changes.

I am so much more than a mother and I fear if I never realized this and looked outside of that box a little I would have resented the kids...the marriage...the housework...well I do resent the housework, but you get my point.

I love how parenthood changes as your kids grow. I have loved my opportunity to change and grow with them. I have found it interesting to watch moms of young kids and see the same mistakes I made. It's actually hilarious to sit in a group of women with just droolers and hear the conversation. I get quiet and giggle to myself. I'm sure the mom's of teenagers think I'm just as silly.

4 comments:

nuttbutts said...

you are incredible, have i told you that? i am kind of feeling the same way although i am not at the same stage you are!

Amy Craig said...

AMEN!!! I am finally finding myself after 8 years!!! I so wish we could get together and hang out in our new phase of life!

Melissa said...

Awww. I miss my ladies!

This Place is a Disaster! said...

Doug wants to get going on the "last 2" . . . I can't seem to make my self want to give up where I am now and go back to baby life. It's not easy, and everyone else gets neglected, except for baby.